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Old Racial Tension... @ 11-02-2008, 09:54 AM
#1

It’s fairly rare that I'm in a situation where I feel such tension although last night was one such situation.

So I spend Halloween with a group of my friends and we go to Georgetown and we don't back until 3:00. I was too tired to drive home so we all slept over at my friend's place. The next morning (yesterday) one of my friends invites me to a football game and a chilly contest at her and her boyfriend's place in Pennsylvania. I knew her boyfriend almost as well as I know her.

Anyway, I missed the football game because we were late, but I was in time for the chilly contest. That was at her boyfriend's brother's place.

I already met his brother twice and he seems like a good guy.

First I drove to my friend’s house in PA, and the girl drives me over to her boyfriend's brother's place. On the way she tells me about how she's the only Asian there and she has had some issues with people not treating her daughter right at school (her daughter is half white since her boyfriend is white).

I didn't think too much of it, I know PA is mostly white but I deployed to Iraq with a Army unit from PA and most of those guys were wonderful people. There was only jerk out of the bunch.

So I get there, I'm quiet because I don't know most of the people but I try to socialize. The chilly is pretty good, I talk about football to some people, I play catch with a kid. I had fun, I wanted to go because it was getting late but I decided to stay for karaoke.

Then my friend's boyfriend's brother asks me about my twin which he met months before. Those two guys are fraternal twins just like me and my brother. Anyway, he describes how my brother has more facial hair and I say yea he's hairier, shorter, and darker. Then my friend's boyfriend's brother says "is that because he gets more sun?"

Everyone gets quiet, my friend's boyfriend tells his brother that was wrong. The guy tries to make up by hugging me and I accept that it was unintended and we mostly laugh about it.

Also that night some people said I looked just like Jason Campbell. I don't really watch football so I asked who Jason was. When they told me he was the quarterback for the Redskins I felt embarrassed for not knowing that but I said "well then I take that as a compliment." So then they go on and say "hey guys doesn't he look Jason Campbell" and I hear more "yeas."

I didn't really care since I didn't know what they guy looked like, and I figure since I was a being too quiet I could use anything that brought me into to the group.

So later on Karaoke begins and we are playing the play station American Idol game.

Some random guy there I haven't spoken too yet tries to start conversation. He introducing himself I and introduce myself. Then he says I look just like Jason Campbell, he probably overheard it. Anyway, since I've heard this five times already I go on say "I'm going to have to see this guy." Then I notice the guy seems to get nervous and defensive so I clarify and say I don't watch that much football although I will watch a game to socialize with people.

Anyway I continue to play the American Idol game and I cycled through the songs in the game. Someone else says they wanted to hear a song that I skipped over, so I go back to it. It was a Michael Jackson song so I let play for a while.

Then the guy who I was talking to earlier says that I should sing that one. I said I didn't really know it and then I continue on looking for a song.

Then the guy leans in close, puts a hand on my shoulder, and says "I'm sorry if I said anything that offended you." I respond "saying it's alright everyone's been saying I look like Jason Campbell." Then he leaves and goes to smoke.

After that I felt odd, I started to wonder about a number of things. I wondered if the Jason Campbell stuff is because some people there haven't seen too many black people. I wondered if people said it because they were trying to connect to the quiet guy. I wondered me saying “I’m going to have to see this guy” injected a racial overtone on the lines of the “all blacks look alike” thing, and maybe I should have said it differently to avoid that. Then I wondered if I should be offended because maybe there really was an overtone.

Then I felt guilty because I made the guy feel bad and all I wanted to do was have fun and get along with people. Most of them were nice people and since they are part of friends family (since the girl’s boyfriend is also the father of her child) I was hoping to get along well because it’s likely I’ll see them again in the future.

Still, I was having fun with the people I was playing Karaoke with so I just continued to do that.

Anyway, I have no idea how I should feel about the whole thing. With the majority of the people I didn’t have any issue with so maybe I shouldn’t feel anything other than glad that I had some fun. Unfortunately I don’t really control what I feel, feelings just happen on their own.

I know I’m not that quick on opening up with new people but I am a social person and I like to get along with people.
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Old Re: Racial Tension... @ 11-02-2008, 03:12 PM
#2

Maybe since they havent been around many black people, they dont know what could possibly be offensive..? Maybe.

When I was younger, I wasnt around many black girls. And, I didnt know what weave was. And when I asked, she was highly offended. But really, I didnt know what it was.


I live around all black people now. And, my boyfriend is black. Just like the other day, I had gone over to the gas station, and that is owned and opererated by Chaledeans. And the man in there (We go in there often, so he knows Dre and I well) goes, Dre said to pay attention to you and see if I see the same thing he does.(They were talking about me gettin fatter. lol) And then I said " Maybe I wouldnt put on so much weight if Dre didnt cook fried chicken everyday" And that man just stared at me, and didnt know what to say.

I wasnt being "sarcastically stereotypical", I was serious.He does eat fried chicken everyday.

I deal with a lot of racial tension all the time. But the ones that I am close to here, laugh all the time with me, for being "so white" and I say somethings to them too.

Like when I do something that they would see as stereotypical "white". Like saying like all the time.., they always say "white" after I say it.

But sometimes it feels like I couldnt get away with doing that stuff to them. If they were to do something that is considered "black" stereotypical.

I live right in Detroit, and there are a mixture of all races, but the majority is black. Of course there are whites, but none of them act "white" as they say. But I do I guess.


I just had to learn to look past the jokes and stuff. Cause really, it is funny. I can see why they think I talk funny or have an "accent" but sometimes, I have to stop myself cause I think that they would take things offensively if I were to say things to them.

Like when my boyfriend wakes up in the moring he goes "good morning lil white girl" and I say right back "good morning lil black man". I dont think that I would be able to get away with things like that with just anybody.

Or when I make Kool Aid for him, he says I make it really really "white". Whatever that means. lol

Anyways, my point is, some people really dont think about what would offend people of other races.

I have a question for you, would you have felt the same way you do if maybe it was a black person saying these things to you that had grown up around all white people and hadnt been around many black people?
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Old Re: Racial Tension... @ 11-02-2008, 05:14 PM
#3

^ That doesn't sound right to me. I know plenty of people in interracial relationships and they never call each other by their race.

Regardless people have common sense, and not being aware of other hues of skin color is ridiculous in this day and age.

When people focus on race they end up with these problems. When people don't interact with individuals that they believe are different, those beliefs only become more reinforced over time. I try not to judge but I must also be honest.

Anyway, in your situation I would let them know when they were saying something offensive to me and I would try to treat them how I wanted to be treated. I think that's the best a person can do. I'm far from perfect but I try to do that at all times.

"Getting people back" is definitely not the way, that makes things worse. If they are offensive then the last thing you want to do is be the same way.

Also, in any group their are always a few good ones and it is best to associate more with them. That's the path of least resistance.
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Old Re: Racial Tension... @ 11-02-2008, 09:58 PM
#4

I know right.

I guess it doesnt bother me anymore. I mean the comments or whatever, that other people make. My point was, that whites dont get away with making jokes about the others race as much as black people do. Towards me anyways.


And as far as Dre goes, we play around a lot. And in reality, even though we dont look at it as it being "a white girl with a black man", it is always a factor. Just with age, he is older than me, and we dont ever intentionally bring it up, but once again, it is a factor.If he didnt find white girls attractive, then I think that I would find it offensive. Just like if I didnt like black men, he would probably find it insulting.

No matter what, racist, or not, judgemental or not, open minded or not, RACE is always going to be a factor in todays society...

Even maybe when interracial relationships might not be judged on in the future, color is always going to be talked about. I know that it is 2008, but thats how it is going to be. Even if it is not being judged. For example, if someone is describing somebody, and they are white, they will say "they are white, etc..."
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Old Re: Racial Tension... @ 11-03-2008, 10:11 PM
#5

Race doesn't have to be a factor. I have friends of every race, yet we rarely mention race at all. However in America everything is about blacks and whites, it is harder to avoid that racial issue.

People are just people.

Anyway, relationships are complex and if you're happy then its a good thing.
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Old Re: Racial Tension... @ 11-04-2008, 01:53 PM
#6

Right.

But if there is ANY difference in anybody, it is going to be noticed.

That is human nature. It doesnt necessarily have to be judged, but it is noticed.
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Old Re: Racial Tension... @ 01-05-2009, 12:38 AM
#7

Reminds me of that Jamie Foxx movie where everyone in the small country town, dirt road gas station thinks he's Puff Daddy.

That must be a terrible feeling of anxiety and racing thoughts, to all of a sudden totally question everything that people are insinuating or implying, or what you might have implied or insinuated... and all of it tying into your race, which automatically brings up feelings of degradation and defensiveness.

I think it was the initial "more sun" comment that sparked the uneasy, subconsciouss cycle of connective thought, and there probably was a touch of ignorance in the crowd... as there always is. All of that was layered onto the new people situation that's always filled with a small bit of nervousness.

I tend to think like this about almost everything, all the time, and it almost sounds like me when I used to smoke too much weed... paranoia crossed with truth crossed with instinct crossed with intuition crossed with intelligence. Maybe you caught some second hand smoke, maybe someone spiked the punch... maybe I did just now? lol

Anyway, man... don't take ignorance to heart, and don't ever let yourself be put on edge like that. Avoid it if you can because one thing I can say, is that if your gut is telling you that something's going on and you can't quite put your finger on it, and your mind runs rampant with confusion and doubt - you are not in a safe situation and are not with people who can be trusted. That's instinct talking, and it's usually right.
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Old Re: Racial Tension... @ 01-08-2009, 02:08 AM
#8

I don't think there's any problems there. I stay in ATL and have many black friends and rag on them all the time about stereotypical "black" things, they do the same with me. If you say it like your nervous or scared to say it, then people may draw conclusions. But if you're comfortable with it it's no big deal at all. People will know if you're trying to insult them or not, just be yourself..

I'm sure nobody was trying to insult you, y'all just didn't know each other so you didn't know how to react when the other person responded, and therefore you both started thinking about what you said when actually neither of you meant anything by it.

To the white girl in this thread , when he says you make the koolaid too "white", guarantee he means you don't put enough sugar in it.
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Old Re: Racial Tension... @ 02-17-2009, 01:21 PM
#9

lol Bernard, you really do look like Jason Cambell, I yahoo image searched him and they were saying that because you two HONESTLY resemble each other. I don't think it's a racial thing, believe me
http://www.flickr.com/photos/hilton_photos/970620016/


This is still a funny issue, regardless, black, white, mixed, who cares you know, people are people and sometime white people just get funny around blacks, in the sense that they don't wanna seem racist, so they say things that'll make them seem more "accepting" that someone's black, like "I'm going to knowingly admit I love this black rapper, or this black actor or actress". It's funny how it goes, it's like they're trying to prove something.. regardless, take it with a grain of salt.
Chris and I went to a coffee shop one day, and there's this white girl and black guy sitting at a table right.. all of a sudden the white girl goes "I really don't like white music"... WHOA!!!! I mean, come the fuck on, what's classified as white music???? I didn't know music even had a color..... It's like, come on chicky.. get real with me on a level that you'd understand, are you new? 90% of the music in today's culture anyway derrived from Africa to begin with.. is she talking about Country? Take a look at television woman, there's country singers of all colors.. I mean, music is music.... is music, is music, it's not of a certain color. So, Chris and I just looked at her, laughed our asses off and walked out of the door.
I don't want to seem cliche' in any way, but White people try to make it more knowing that they're not racist than a black person. Like, many black people I had conversations with, don't try to push the subject that they like this white person, or that white person, or this white person.. yet, everytime I see a white person have a conversation with a black, they try to hard to make it to where the black person knows they're not racist.. like "oh I like this black person, or that black person" blah blah blah, just fucking be yourself, color doesn't exist between friendship.
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Old Re: Racial Tension... @ 02-18-2009, 08:28 AM
#10

^ Howdy stranger lady, how's the married life? My sister just got married on Valentines day. Do you facebook? I'm thinking of dropping MySpace.

Anyway, I know people can be weird.

Two of my co-workers love to tell race jokes, although the Asian guy tells race jokes about Asians. The white guy usually ends up apologizing. I usually end up asking them to stop because I don't ever want to repeat those jokes, I know that would be all bad for me. I would never want to alienate people.

Still, what matters more is how you treat people although what a person says to you is part of how they treat you.

If someone seems genuinely good intentioned despite being offensive, then I may accept that they just have an issue. If Obama can accept his grandmother and her insensitivity, then I guess anyone can if they try.

Quote:
Originally Posted by -NinjaMic- View Post
Reminds me of that Jamie Foxx movie where everyone in the small country town, dirt road gas station thinks he's Puff Daddy.

That must be a terrible feeling of anxiety and racing thoughts, to all of a sudden totally question everything that people are insinuating or implying, or what you might have implied or insinuated... and all of it tying into your race, which automatically brings up feelings of degradation and defensiveness.

I think it was the initial "more sun" comment that sparked the uneasy, subconsciouss cycle of connective thought, and there probably was a touch of ignorance in the crowd... as there always is. All of that was layered onto the new people situation that's always filled with a small bit of nervousness.

I tend to think like this about almost everything, all the time, and it almost sounds like me when I used to smoke too much weed... paranoia crossed with truth crossed with instinct crossed with intuition crossed with intelligence. Maybe you caught some second hand smoke, maybe someone spiked the punch... maybe I did just now? lol

Anyway, man... don't take ignorance to heart, and don't ever let yourself be put on edge like that. Avoid it if you can because one thing I can say, is that if your gut is telling you that something's going on and you can't quite put your finger on it, and your mind runs rampant with confusion and doubt - you are not in a safe situation and are not with people who can be trusted. That's instinct talking, and it's usually right.
Ninja you're psychic. Most of that is exactly what I felt.
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Old Re: Racial Tension... @ 02-18-2009, 10:08 AM
#11

Not married as of yet! Getting married June 14th of this year, however it seems like we're already married, lol. Being a mother is great also. I facebook sometimes, go ahead and add me! I have pictures of the baby both on facebook and myspace.. so you can see him!

Regardless of anything, I think that chick saying she doesn't like white music is one of the most ultimate "durr's" I've ever heard in my life. Talk about trying to impress a black man. I think she left him speechless....
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Old Re: Racial Tension... @ 02-20-2009, 09:50 PM
#12

She's probably a ditz. :\ How's the little man doing?
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Old Re: Racial Tension... @ 02-22-2009, 10:37 PM
#13

great! Pissed off right now cause he's hungry.. but I can only pump so much at a time.. lol
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Old Re: Racial Tension... @ 02-23-2009, 01:11 AM
#14

yo lemme get a sip
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