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Old Just some Norwegian observational humor @ 05-27-2007, 12:46 AM

Norwegians only eat so that they can drink more (explaining why Norwegian cuisine isn't as flavorful as some other types of food)... drinking is a national past time and acceptable in ANY social or non-social situation.

Brown goat cheese is the BEST cheese ever, and is actually more like candy than dairy. Norwegians are brilliant. Goats are great too.

Only the Norwegians know how to make pannekakken (hope my spelling is correct). Call them "crepes" and you will die. They are also not "Swedish pancakes". That's blasphemy.

Norwegians are stoic and unemotional. They only hug after much, much drinking.

Norwegians are physically incapable of crying. This is because at certain times of the year, crying can actually kill you in the arctic regions.

Norwegians love to be called "Vikings". It's equivalent to calling them "big boy" or "hot stuff". Evoking this term tends to bring on another round of raucous drinking.

Norwegians will only drink imported beers. Dosmestic brands are criminal and are only good for chasing aquevit (again, excuse the spelling). However, good Norwegians pour aquevit over their porridge and eat it for breakfast.

Norwegians, for whatever reason, REALLY love jumping out of perfectly good airplanes. They call this parachuting and it also seems to be a national past time.

Norwegians are the only countrymen to truly do their Independence Day right!

All Norwegians speak English beautifully, but don't think so. There are perhaps 2, maybe 3, Americans who speak Norwegian. (Hint: I'm not one of them.)

All Norwegians, even the stoic ones, are sexy.

Norwegians have invented all of the great phrases, such as "oy, oy, oy!" and "uf da".

"Uf da" means whatever you want it to mean. It's especially useful as a substitute for cursing when in the company of small children or when your mother-in-law asks how you like her cooking. When you say it, it must be EXCLAIMED!

Lastly, there are two types of people in this world: Norwegians... and those who wish they were!

Yet another thing I got for one of my groups.
You know you're Norwegian when...
You assume that a stranger on the street who smiles at or greets you is:
a) drunk.
b) insane.
c) an American.
d) All of the above.

You vigorously defend whaling and enjoy consuming whale meat.

You enjoy the taste of lutefisk and cod prepared in any way, including fried cod tongues.

You can prepare fish in five different ways without cooking it.

You don't question the habit of always preparing a "matpakke" (sandwich in paper).

You have two cars, a cabin and a boat, if not more.

You think there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.

It feels natural to wear sport clothes and backpack everywhere, including the cinema, bowling alley, and to church.

You are think it's weird if a house isn't wooden.

You know at least five different words for describing different textures of snow.

You don't fall when walking on ice.

You earn more than you spend.

You associate Easter with cross-country skiing with friends and family in the familys mountain cabin.

You are shocked if it's not 2 months of snow every year, at least!

You can see mountains and the ocean, no matter where you are.

You expect all dinner parties and meetings to start precisely on time, if not before.

You fall 3 metres, and don't get hurt. If you do, you're not worried at all.

You haven't heard of "fast-food".

You can't understand why foreigners haven't heard about Bj�rn D�hlie.

You're proud to be Norwegian - and you pass these jokes on to all your Norwegian friends!

Yet another one...because it's that damn good.


* +15C / 59F:
This is as warm as it gets in Norway, so we'll start here.
People in Spain wear winter-coats and gloves.
The Norwegians are out in the sun, getting a tan.

* +10C / 50F:
The French are trying in vain to start their central heating.
The Norwegians plant flowers in their gardens.

* +5C / 41F:
Italian cars won't start.
The Norwegians are cruising in cabriolets.

* 0C / 32F:
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Oslo Fjord gets a little thicker.

* -5C / 23F:
People in California almost freeze to death.
The Norwegians have their final barbeque before winter.

* -10C / 14F:
The Brits start the heat in their houses.
The Norwegians start using long sleeves.

* -20C / -4F:
The Aussies flee from Mallorca.
The Norwegians end their Midsummer celebrations.
Autumn is here.

* -30C / -22F:
People in Greece die from the cold and disappear from the face of
the earth.
The Norwegians start drying their laundry indoors.

* -40C / -40F:
Paris start cracking in the cold.
The Norwegians stand in line at the hotdog stands.

* -50C / -58F:
Polar bears start evacuating the North Pole.
The Norwegian army postpones their winter survival training awaiting
real winter weather.

* -70C / -94F:
The false Santa moves south.
The Norwegian army goes out on winter survival training.

* -183C / -297.4F:
Microbes in food don't survive.
The Norwegian cows complain that the farmers' hands are cold.

* -273C / -459.4F:
ALL atom-based movement halts.
The Norwegians start saying "Faen, it's cold outside today."

* -300C / -508F:
Hell freezes over.
Norway wins the Eurovision Song Contest.

yes this is supplied by myself and other Norwegians.
One by one the lawn gnomes steal my sanity.
Of what I have lost, the thing I cherish the most is me.
Nicknack paddywack meet my friend your head.
When I'm done with my vegetables, where should I put the wheelchairs.

Now for something entirely different....meaning serious.

Make love not war
Don't trust the government of the US
If the world changes you, then you can change the world.

Last edited by Cain; 05-28-2007 at 01:54 AM..
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