Ya I wrote this a few months ago when I was really depressed, I think the information in the verse is pretty self-explanatory.


I mask myself to everyone because deep inside I battle with 2 emotions//
Tears streaming from depression and pure anger sequencing into explosions//
I'm bothered-and-battered, my father-left my heart-shattered//
My insides feel like they were slaughtered-and-tattered, ripped out uncharted-and-scattered//
What confuses me is that everytime I was near you, you seemed so fucking annoyed-to-me//
Spat obscentities, beat me, demeaned me, in spite of all my loyalty treating you like you were royalty//
I'm no longer that naive boy-you-see, I won't stand you ever again trying to toy-wit-me//
But don't consider this one bad relationship, instead consider that you spoiled-3//
That's what pisses me off, the stupid shit you did and pain you constantly inflicted//
Shit like becoming the epitome of a sad drunk depicted and becoming criminally convicted//
Whenever I see you with a smile, my heart blisters and my thoughts swirl into a mixture//
Like, what's he gonna act like this-year? Should I love this same asshole who put bullets on my mother's picture?//
17 years of isolation , you put my mother through Hell, what the fuck's the excuse?!//
Is a lonely life what you decided to choose? Only talking to my sister to inflict more abuse?//
Remember how you gave me stories to tell whenever you gave me a cut or a bruise?//
Or do you remember how you depressed me so much I tried to end it, using my sweater as a noose?//
What scared and depressed-me is how shit got to you so intensely, no matter how petty//
So now that I feel stronger, I decided I'm ready to get this shit off my chest cuz the weight was too heavy//
It doesn't take much to please me, yet it seems you only wanted to hurt-me//
And what the fuck is with that 1 lady and your lies?! I figured you to be trustworthy!//
I still have visions of snow outside and you pushing my head trying to suffocate-me to the ground//
Do you remember the painful crying sound when you almost broke ****'s arm twisting it painfully around?!//
You never found time for us, yet you did for that one bitch and her children!//
And it's funny you keep denying shit when people saw you with her out of that YMCA building//
In all honosty, when I heard that shit I wanted you dead for hurting our family and double crossing-me//
I still hear you echoing the words, "Adultery is wrong" and how it now reeks of hipocracy//

feedback please! Should I finish this song?

yea man this is worth finishing . This has a really deep content, is like i can feel your anger by reading this. Peace

Didnt I reply to this before? I reply to a lot of deep shit. Anyway, this was tight. You sure have a lot of animosity towards this guy, but I feel ya all the way. Especially when you get personal and bring in your sister. But I coulda sworn I read this before... You know what, it was that other song that you posted on ESE that I'm thinking about.

thanks for the feedback guys. And ya Vile you probably responded to "Faded Reality", that suicide note song i wrote back in the day. Yup I do got a LOT of anger, its a very weird relationship

uppin

shit was pretty good, not great but definitly above average
liked the deepness and some of the lines just fit into each other nicely

Spat obscentities, beat me, demeaned me, in spite of all my loyalty treating you like you were royalty//
I'm no longer that naive boy-you-see, I won't stand you ever again trying to toy-wit-me//

^^^^tight bar

It doesn't take much to please me, yet it seems you only wanted to hurt-me//
And what the fuck is with that 1 lady and your lies?! I figured you to be trustworthy!//

^^^^tight bar also

I still have visions of snow outside and you pushing my head trying to suffocate-me to the ground//
Do you remember the painful crying sound when you almost broke ****'s arm twisting it painfully around?!//
^^^thought this was your best line

nice drop i reccomend finishing it but if ur gunna do that i suggest putting a dope hook in

keep spitting

imo, though, you could cut
out some unecessary articles
and tighten it up, but i dig
nonetheless.

thanks for the feedback so far, uppin this.

Sweet as Fuck! I didn't know you had skills like that!

Dayum, I thought i had replied to thsi alreayd an if since i didn't i have meant to...

i like this piece, i could grasp your flow rather well as its fairly similar or seems to b to mine. AND i like how u can feel your sense of emotion thru it even tho it is TEXT it makes the reading it all that better...

and i think you should finish this track, its a deep track, and tight multi's complexity and some of it was jus off the hook....

Spat obscentities, beat me, demeaned me, in spite of all my loyalty treating you like you were royalty//
I'm no longer that naive boy-you-see, I won't stand you ever again trying to toy-wit-me//
^ Fav line there.. i can sort of grasp this to one of my own sit's prolly not in the same situation but hot none the less...

Keep postin... sorry fer sleepin on it--

~1ne

yeah this was tight..you got mad potential and skills.

real deep concept - is it a true to life experience? I hope problems have gotten better now.

lots of nice lines - sophisticated vocabulary. multi's. Real nice

Remember how you gave me stories to tell whenever you gave me a cut or a bruise?//
Or do you remember how you depressed me so much I tried to end it, using my sweater as a noose?//

^^the first line is so true even though i've never experienced it - i've heard so many stories. That was real and deep..highlight.

only criticism i have is your lines are a little too long for my liking and it seemed to knock the flow off at times - but whatever works for you! Keep it up - and yeah finish it!

^thanks for the positive feedback so far, i really appreciate it. And for the long bars, I think you would have to hear how I flow because I don't like using punch-ins in my audios so Im usually on a constant flow, although I admit unless your style is similar to mine, like Focus, it could be hard to process and it might seem like I'm cramming in words. I've written the full song now, but I think I'd rather just drop an audio instead of 2 text verses. Whenever I get the time in between other things I have to record I'll get it done. Thanks again.

thats deep, i like it.