I write-rhymes, sit and pack-dimes, committ-crimes, readin your-lines/
Your shits cooked, its-cooked,bitch-looked, got ears and eyez-hooked, your friends already-booked/
You gonna run-now? Stay and-bow/
The only choices you-got, spit some words quick or your gonna get-shot/
Waitin to stand up and go all-out, I'll drop a-shout/
Before I leave I wanna hear peeps callin back, pimp around playin b-ball with-shaq, pick up gurls to-nack/
You hear me steppin up, shots nockin back, take shit and lay back-up, I sat up, ready to snap up,oh bitch you gonna get slapped-up/
I keep a-beat, take a seat, listen to it goin down the-street, your in for a treat, watchin another de-feat/
My shit is just proffesional,no time to be tra-ditional, Im here and my shit jus isnt edu-cational/
You hear my words cussin', Im here hustlin', bustlin', and guzzlin'/
Slammin the 40's quick, its crazy until you get sick, rhymes leavin you lit from a bick, watch a clock...tick, Im comin to you balistic//

Feed back tell me what ya peeps think peace!

after re-readin it a few...ok flow,vocab good,but the middle sorta fell off then bounced back towards the end but it was still an ok drop....

ehhh no offense but I didn't feel it. Your shit was a lil too simplistic and you multis were pretty weak:

"Your shits cooked, its-cooked,bitch-looked, got ears and eyez-hooked, your friends already-booked/"

"I keep a-beat, take a seat, listen to it goin down the-street, your in for a treat, watchin another de-feat/"

"Slammin the 40's quick, its crazy until you get sick, rhymes leavin you lit from a bick, watch a clock...tick, Im comin to you balistic//"

Whats a bick? You mean a BIC lighter? Im sorry but it seemed like all this verse was, was just you trying to rhyme words. No real substance and most of it didn't make too much sense, if this is one of your first verses though, then let me just offer some advice. Try to make more sense in your writing, start off with a topic in your head or at least organize your lines to where they all come together and have some meaning. Add in the technicality to the verse later.

still getting better punk, but i reckon you need to reorganise your bar structure. multis dont really work when theyre a series of short sentences, for now fuck multis, try getting the rhyme at the end to be more than one sylable or (this is a little harder) try two rhymes per bar, also needs to be more than one sylable, then after youve got that down you can try an work in some multis, but only where appropriate, dont compose your bar so there are multis in it, the rhymes are more important.

Peace

Yeah I know my words seem to have no meaning except to myself cuz Im the one writtin it. Ill try and get it so you people can see more of a topic comein outa it. Peace!

Tight. Tight. Tight...

I really liked this line:

My shit is just proffesional,no time to be tra-ditional, Im here and my shit jus isnt edu-cational/

That was good. Maybe it was just the layout or sumthing, but I liked it. It really caught my eye. Altogether it was a good drop. keep uppin. peace.

uppin sum random shit

hmmmmmmmmmm........i can pee with my penis...it berns though

this was when emweb was active. i thik em has sorta dropped out the limelight and as a result less people are on the sight cuz its not as cool to discuss eminem cuz he ain't got no new shit coming out and he aint' barely on the radio ever.

The last brain finishes the race!^

^maybe em will make a come back?? He sorta got as famous as he could get and if he did drop another album or movie there just would never be as much hype cuz people are used to his style and its lost its shock value. Alas.

Well ya theres always a chance of a comeback. I mean look at Nas he came back and now all his albums are classics again.

tru that...i think theres still hope for em

closing this because i have skills and u dont