This pain/
Its makin me feel insane/
Takin over my membrane/
Allowin me to see blood/
Lookin dark and slimey like mud/
Bouncin off the floor like a broken stud/
Startin to feel nauseas/
Actin real cautious/
Afraid im gonna be attacked from behind/
Been declined/
Hopein god`ll hit rewind/
To give me a second chance/
Allow me to experience true romance/
even allow me to enhance/
my life/
take it back n avoid the knife/
stop actin like the devils wife/
cuz now im startin to mutate/
clothes slidin to the floor startin to congregate/
beginnin to feel ill/
shouldn’t have went for the kill/
so weak,couldn’t even sign my will/
fallin to the floor/
seein a pink marsian in the door/
takin away my knife to settle the score/
prancin around hollerin “you a dead whore”/
closin my eyes to take one last breath/
is it just me or am I a second away from death/

there it is…so tell me what you think,ppllzzee…I know it aint the best,its just somethin
that I started jottin down durin my study period…holla!!!

It's not horrid, but not ill either.. Your bar lengths are too short and your content is boring... Try puting some clever shit in it..

thanks tyke ill try harder next time...ive been hopin to get some feed from "the greatest EWB mc tyke".....i read some of your spit and thats why im sayin that...;)

haahhahahahahha You hear that boys????? The greatest, thanks:D

anytime...no offense to anyone else...

haha thats funny, anyways tyke's right though your bars are too short and it doesnt seem like the text is going nowhere, put some methaphors and nice multi's in there.

ok will do...anyone else???:D

Startin to feel nauseas/
Actin real cautious/
^^^ tha way i read it that flowed well for some reason lol

stop actin like the devils wife/
^^ didn't make much sense i'm afraid

lol - it was quite funny when you it sounded like ya were talking about tripping with tha pink martian hehe

I agree with Lord and Master McTykeworth, your bars need to be a little longer and listen to All About Me too - hes come on a lot.
But yeah - not a bad drop at all. Hope ta see more from you in tha future... so keep around and vote and give feedback a lot and get yaself known

PZ>

this is the first time i got this much feed...thanks tyke,obliv,all about...you guys are the best...