View Full Version : all jokes aside


AllAboutMe
02-06-2003, 10:27 PM
just something i started wrighting real quick, might use it as part of a song ,tell me what you think, peace


Im waiting for a chance to explode, living through hope
Debating and hating tired of racing every day to the pope
Living real dope but still find the trouble with opportunities to cope
And release through every bar another soap tied to a rope
Looking for a person one more assertiveness to leak a message
Across the screen leaving the scene without the need for bandages
Decided to take my strength as an advantage as my mind grows
With the brain half spent from watching my life as the worst reality show
Why think of someone else when you look at yourself
And see a desperate body on the floor with the remains of an empty bottle from the shelf
As one fell the other half stood still with eager thoughts of kill
The dark envy and shrill, filling the room with morbid reactions straight from his will
Who ever thought that living this life would demand regret through the night
Every screaming fight using candles as lights, one strike of the knife
And you on the floor with the final demands praying for you life
This is why even though good times they come and they go
It has to be known the soul has to be thrown down this hole
To prevent the grief or decease the blood of somebody else on your knees
For this I beg the lord please one more chance , one more picture for me to say cheese

AllAboutMe
02-08-2003, 01:36 AM
oh shit this flow is horrible lol, annyway uppin

V i L E
02-08-2003, 01:55 AM
What's the topic of this piece? I'm feeling the word usage tho.

Punk
02-08-2003, 02:03 AM
This seems more like a voice free than anythin though. You jus need to put commas in were needed. well I think so anyway... Peace man!

AllAboutMe
02-08-2003, 02:25 PM
Originally posted by V i L E
What's the topic of this piece? I'm feeling the word usage tho.

the theme is just like being able to realise your strenghts and not let the pressure of the world take you down, and not let the evil take you down, its a concept for a song but im probably not putting this in cuz reading it over i didnt really like it that much.

Punk
02-09-2003, 12:03 AM
Just a voice flow. You speek it out loud once and just go with it and youll see what Im sayin.

PEACE man!

V i L E
02-09-2003, 04:43 PM
Originally posted by Punk
... You jus need to put commas in were needed...
I agree. Correct punctiation makes the best-read lyrics.

LeviHaskell
02-09-2003, 04:52 PM
not to bad. i also aggree about the commas.. but still all is good. keep it up.
~Lates

AllAboutMe
02-09-2003, 11:44 PM
aight thanks, i agree that the structure is a little off, i got some lines that are little too long and doesnt flow well, peace