Check this…first spit ever…plze give feed on how to improve...

Sittin here listenin to this teacher preach/thinking isn’t he supposed to teach/ive been sent once again to detention/this place is like a bad kid convention/most of these kids are in trouble cuz they swore/they thought it would help settling the final score/now they strapped to a chair/and yet the teacher aint even over there/hes to busy arguing wit me for flippin the bird/but I did it cuz I was someone he never heard/every time I raised my hand/he acted like I was someone he can't stand/now im stuck in detention till six/im gonna flip,I can't stand the sight of these hicks/they dum cuz they call themselves thugs/but they so poor, for dinner they eatin bugs/walkin around wearin fake ice/they thinkin they to cool to get checked for head lice/this school pampers people who are fake/my sanity is bout to break/I got busted for marijuana/yet these thugs sellin crack sayin “you know you wanna”/ that’s why I hate these southside schools/they made up of nothin but cons and fools/

thats pretty deep i guess
you had good flow and some good rhymes, just make sure you sentences make sence, they dont all have to rhyme but good rhyme, keep posting , nice drop for first timer,peace

thanks man...i appreciate the feed and i`ll try to improve it....anyone else gonna offer me some feed...id really apreciate it...

not bad ma....instead of typin it out like a paragraph, type it one line on top of another, that all.....1

that style that it looks like your going for needs more lyrical content.

insted of like all these fucks need to do this they need to do that it should have more content behind it during the middle of the ryhme.

make sense if it dont ask me what i mean tommorow cos im pissed.

but i did like it alot infact i loved it i want to go to bed with it.

trust me im not saying that cos im pissed and thats a rule that u love everything when u pissed (:

it was nice it was like mine was when i started and im only 15 now and im still not all that (:
but keep going it should come easyer.

just spent 5 mins checking my spelling so it would be easy to read is it all right ???(:

these fucks?

THESE PEOPLE OR PRICKS YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN IM PISSED LEAVE ME ALIOJNE (:
WHAT I CALL A PRIK A LITTLE FUCK

who are u referring to? i know what the words mean, i wanna know who it is your calling a stupid fuck.

Originally posted by JIZM
who are u referring to? i know what the words mean, i wanna know who it is your calling a stupid fuck.

His dad, he hates that guy stickin his prick in his face while writin raps. He's writin some wack shit, then BAM!, there's a dick in the face.

Mother fucker gets distracted and start's writing verses from the perspective of his dad's dick. That's why the shit is so juvenile... and ass.

Yeah, when he tslks about achieving shit in life, it's a metaphor for the dick achieving it's goal

:D @ a song from the perspective of my dick would be ill

D:< @ Affliction did a song called "What Would Penis Do?"
:D @ NinjaMic did a song called "My Dick"
:D @ if penis-ification songs varied in illness depending on the endowment
D:? @ reading this article in some magazine written from the perspective of some guys dick and it kept trying to convince him to go jack off in the bathroom

Rollin In Dat 1500 u running wit a souf coast boss balla
shot calla i told ya
nigga now put yo paws in perspectives
u rollin wit a rochwailer comin outta texas and plexin

Consistent thread, this.

Thanks yall for ya feed…heres what I think…
Tha prez-I`ll try to improve it,however what you said was a lil confusin so I couldn’t get the majority of it….but you crazy(you wanna go to bed wit it)it aint that great..lol
T1 req-that’s the thing that I worked on the most(its flow and consistentness)
Mr-diabolical-I don’t know if ya were talkin to me or not…
jizm-ive just started doin that...
Well that’s everyone who was actually aimin at me…oh and by the way im just a lil curious but who is tyke..the one who everyone is dissin..is he really that bad of a guy???
:confused:

i wont calling anyone fucks i relise what u mean now i was talking about a quote from a verse simerlising what i was saying to what he could say

them fucks i was talking like if i wrote

them fucks,getting slaped like hocky pucks/all these soggy sluts,round my house when the top totty shuts

what i was saying is that i was all like they did this they did that
wasnt dissing any one qouting

look what you made me do you made me think of a ryhme to go with it now (:
that was to all the people who jumped on the jizm badwagon and started to diss me thanks (:

Originally posted by THA_PREZ
i was talking about a quote from a verse simerlising what i was saying to what he could say
^^^im a girl....

aight sos bout that
ok what she could say :) :)

;) thanks...dont wanna have anyone sayin im one thing when im actually another..