This is slaughter rap physically the human mind cant author that
But i brought it back its the take over ur like mice caught in a trap
One snap it will brake ur shoulder face it its over
im enchant but older embracen the soliger
that once stud by me now hes dead gone a lost rivalry
ill kill any mother fucker whos diespiesn me
is it fine to be this insane its a crime to see when im spitin this flame
its my position to regain whut was once lost
the front boss i was once double crossed
like if Jesus had a twin im like diseases spreaden out through the Vatican
im damagen any one who speaks bad on my name
its a blood stain through out ur fortress
this one gos out to every one who ignored us
you make no sense like children tryin to have a conversation on the short bus
the only thin i support is drugs
i can never get enough i wish every one through out the city could take a puff its amazen stuff i kill every fagget whos raven in clubs
defacen you with snubs there never empty
fully load for any one whos agenst me
im diggin up the corps of john f Kennedy
cuz i found death can bring serenity
rember me i jus dont give two shits if you exist or not
you foolish bitch i'll bruse ur tits with my cock
my mind can joht ideas Albert enstine couldn’t understand
thats why i got the upper hand thats why i got every to jam in the summer at summer jam you fagges probly get numbers from another man right on ur other hand an i'll make ur music snap in half like i was strechin ur rubber-band
i'll murder you slow like i injected you with aids
this is the emergency flow like leperciy waves
this can never be safe like my weapon was placed right in front of ur face
im always vulgar mother fucker im pickin you off like my desert eagle was a valtcher
im quick with they revolver i dont settle conflicts with word im not a big talker my 38 snub knows its my problem solver

will rep for feed

i will rep if u dont beleive me i will do it

This is slaughter rap, physically the human mind cant author that
But i brought it back, its the take over, ur like mice caught in a trap

put commas in yur rap to show where the pauses r. I can see where they go but it would help if u put it. Makes it easier to read.
good. I put em in to illustrate my point. ^


One snap it will brake ur shoulder, face it its over
im enchant but older, embracen the soliger

decent

that once stud by me now hes dead gone a lost rivalry
ill kill any mother fucker whos diespiesn me

aight

is it fine to be this insane its a crime to see when im spitin this flame
its my position to regain

u need to space yur bars better. this is wher the bar ends.
the first line aight.


whut was once lost
the front boss i was once double crossed

decent.

like if Jesus had a twin im like diseases spreaden out through the Vatican
im damagen any one who speaks bad on my name

u could switch the last line up to make it rhyme better.
ex. ANyone who speaks bad on my name, I'm damagen, ( like that)

its a blood stain through out ur fortress
this one gos out to every one who ignored us

good

you make no sense like children tryin to have a conversation on the short bus
the only thin i support is drugs

aight. kinda abstract. Creative.

i can never get enough i wish every one through out the city could take a puff its amazen stuff i kill every fagget whos raven in clubs

wack

defacen you with snubs there never empty
fully load for any one whos agenst me

aight. coulda been worded better on second line.

im diggin up the corps of john f Kennedy
cuz i found death can bring serenity

decent

rember me i jus dont give two shits if you exist or not
you foolish bitch i'll bruse ur tits with my cock

wack

my mind can joht ideas Albert enstine couldn’t understand
thats why i got the upper hand thats why i got every to jam

wack

in the summer at summer jam you fagges probly get numbers from another man right on ur other hand an i'll make ur music snap in half like i was strechin ur rubber-band

wack

i'll murder you slow like i injected you with aids
this is the emergency flow like leperciy waves

wack

this can never be safe like my weapon was placed right in front of ur face
im always vulgar mother fucker im pickin you off like my desert eagle was a valtcher

wack

im quick with they revolver i dont settle conflicts with word im not a big talker my 38 snub knows its my problem solver

wack. u tryin to act 2 hard, an its not creative enough. I'd rather hear u spit more creative than be so direct.

Leave rep if u can. Keep practicing. Elevate.

ah it wont let me rep you....but this was jus a quick ass shit i johted down....i didnt think it was good...but thanks any wayz

really felt the begining..Thats it though..Even that part was half way ripped from vinny paz..Kepp at it

naw jus influenced....he sayz this is torure rap...but thanx any who, an it was jus a free

yeah the begining is pretty nice, post some things where you take time writing so i can see it.. just keep strong through the whole verse --- good for a freestyle.

http://www.eminemweb.com/board/showthread.php?t=30456

feed me ^^^^^^

sorry homes. i wasnt feeling it. too much stuff lost on me like references i didnt know. maybe thats just me.