my opinion i dont think this is that bad, all feedback will help, i tried with some multies, didnt label em all. but yeah.. tell me what you think..thanks..
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look into his phony eyes, recognize all his lies/
realize our president is really a devil in disguise/
getting replaced by Borack Obama, next to look for Bomber Osama/
all this fucking drama, just re-name Mr.Bush to President Karma/
keep sending millions of troops, let em' keep dying by groups/
its the same thing everyday, de ja vu, we keep living in loops/
your causing all this trouble, im like the boy in the bubble/
i wont be heard, how do i get your attention, blow you to rubble?/
another *terrorist-tie* means more of *presidents-lies*/
his *receptionist-crys* because more *residents-die*/
but we as a country has to get out of this war/
no operation IRAQ, no more Dessert Storm/
so lets vote for the future to have a brighter tomorrow/
terminate all of this anger to get over all the sorrow/
you have your opinion i have mine but i'll see you next election/
'together we can' make this country head towards the right direction/

look into his phony eyes, recognize all his lies/
realize our president is really a devil in disguise/

aight, good multie

getting replaced by Borack Obama, next to look for Bomber Osama/
all this fucking drama, just re-name Mr.Bush to President Karma/

the first line was wack, the second line was aight,

keep sending millions of troops, let em' keep dying by groups/
its the same thing everyday, de ja vu, we keep living in loops/

could have put more passion in the line, sort of lacked feelin, describe the tragedies like car bombings an shit, get more detailed. use actual numbers, statistics, ect. describe an event in the news,

your causing all this trouble, im like the boy in the bubble/
i wont be heard, how do i get your attention, blow you to rubble?/

the first line had potential but it was wack. ur tyin to say yur powerless to stop the war. u could say I'm trapped in a bubble, the second line was wack.

another *terrorist-tie* means more of *presidents-lies*/
his *receptionist-crys* because more *residents-die*/

the second line had multies, but who cares about the receptionist, she's in on this shit too. She don't give a fuck. the first line was aight.


but we as a country has to get out of this war/
no operation IRAQ, no more Dessert Storm/

this was good

so lets vote for the future to have a brighter tomorrow/
terminate all of this anger to get over all the sorrow/

aight,

you have your opinion i have mine but i'll see you next election/
'together we can' make this country head towards the right direction/

a little bit corny, but good

I left feed. So leave rep. keep practicing. Elevate.

SO NAIVE...

but it was an ok text piece actually.

I love the topic,good rhyme sceme, and I totally agree, only problem is Hilery Clinton is going to be our next president because unfortanatly our votes don't count, among many other things. Peace