Went into a spa with warm jacoozies,stormed with oozies,
Went to the lap pool and swarmed the groupies
Put them in a line, made sure it was formed but smoothly
The security gaurd pulled out his gun and warned to shoot me
But i wasnt ready to give up just then and there
Aimed for the head and launched a bullet in mid air
Nailed him before he could react to get me down
Ive already taken away a life, why give up now?
So i shouted in fury at the people scared
Gave em an evil glare to show them my demon's there
Because i could be living the easy life like you
But i was raised in a game you cant just sit right through
So whats the point of trying hard in this life
cuz we all gonna die, so it may as well be at this exact time
So fuck it, i may as well just take them all
Thought about it madly and i just wanted to break the wall



Thats it for now, im going to add on to this later and make this an entire song. Kind like Murder Murder.....

IS it so hard to provide feedback?

okay well ill try to help you, in my eyes its straight
i liked "Nailed him before he could react to get me down
Ive already taken away a life, why give up now?"

especially the why stop now part

the imagery is good
i think it was to early to stop the verse, that you should continue, but ill post more feedback later after i read it more thoroughly.

this was abstract but it had some good flow, and imagery. Some of the rhymes were forced. Keep practicing. Elevate.

creative shit.
this one and your other drop like it.
unlike everyother person frontin gangsta it was original.
nice use of multiples.
i like that you made a point at the end, it needs to have a reason.
but it kinda threw the train of thought goin sorta from story to regular imo.

another good way to end one of those imo is doubling back and connecting.
thats where you learn something in the beginning of the piece and then later you touch on it again using it to set up the original target.
Leaving you with that “oh I get it” feeling.
jus a thought.


peace, overgrown