well.. heres something.. just leave feed please.. what to improve etc. or if its good, you know..
--

i wish i could pull the trigger man, i wish i could/
if i ever had the oppurtunity, you know i would/
so i could say good-bye to all of my problems once n' for good/
im just sick of this all, only if you understood/
but you don't, and even if i told you, im pretty sure you wont/
i lost everything i have, even everything i wrote/
sometimes i just wanna throw it all away, be free and O-D'/
getting away from this controversey, i just hate being me/
but i know one thing that will keep me alive until the end/
no bullshit either, those people are my friends/
not pretend, i guess you can say they are heaven-send/
if i didnt, thats where i'd be now/
heaven, this would be my suicide letter taking my final bow/
i just want to say thank you and that i really love you all/
you guys were my net so i could safely fall/
and if something did happen to you, you'd know i really miss you/
i'd have the scars and tissue to cover up the issue/
but fuck it im done, the battle was never won/
so one last time, thank you to everyone.../

uppin...

i like your honesty on this...you also have a decent flow so it was easy to read...my only qualms are their aren't alot of metaphors but you do have some imagery with the "safety net" bar...and as a adement defender of old school lyricism i'd say your just average in this catagory...i didn't peep any interesting/complex rhyme schemes, alliteration, multiple syallbles, or ongoing metahophors...other than that it's decent.

i never knew people cared so much about alliteration, ill keep that in mind, and rhyming with mulitples, ill do so to, thanks.

keep the feed coming.

i thought it came off real.
like its from deep.

its got a very powerful tone but lacks the detail that makes it stand out imho.

this bar perked my interest...


but you don't, and even if i told you, im pretty sure you wont/
i lost everything i have, even everything i wrote


cus it made me want to learn more about what and how you lost what you did.
its the difference between sayin someones ugly and discribing someones ugly face.
its the details that sell it, and keep it from being so general imo.

alliteration is good.
as long as its something you were goin to say anyway.
better not too force them imo.

peace

yo, it sounds like this guy offed himself. i hope not. keep ya head up, g.

better than any of my shit..... :(