something i been working on for the last 15-20minutes..just one of those raps where your dissin no-one in particular and just bigging yourself up..tell me what to work on and any ideas for improvement or hooks..cause i can't write hooks for shit (btw this is for audio)




Precise hits when mike spits, leaves you bloody lifeless
im the nicest, plus the illest, and then twice this
typing out knowledge they havn’t discovered so far
so just like alcoholics you’re never missing a bar
got the baggy jean style dressing as a wigger
Eleven twenty four no less than other figures
I remain ill till I die and there’s no breath in my lungs
Spittin the same thrill with insane skill left on my tongue
These rappers have no class but their lessons begun
This aint serious it’s a hobby I’m impressin’ for fun
On a totally different level I surpass your rhymes
You’re the last to find mikes more than a mutherfuckin’ mastermind
You’re a class behind, well its more like two
When I rap I don’t spit its more like spew
So when I’ve said all the fire and I’m dead or retired
I just want you to remember mikes led did inspire
i know the light from the dark, aint no renegade
I write from the heart and wont stop any day
The world tends to hate me lately but I don’t know why
The would greatly appreciate if I would go die
But I wont, and it annoys these bullying bastards
To see that they wont be hearing my last words
anytime sooner than they’ll be hearing their own
when I let go of all this fear in my dome




i shouldn't have to point our multies or wordplay but if you cant see them just holla (wow that sounds so american)

You DEFINATELY get better each time you write. This was pretty nice, man. You had a lot more multies than usual, the alcoholics line was alright too. This had a flow to it. Getting better, no doubt.

Personally, I Liked It Alot. You Spit The Actions, Na Mean? I Could See You Executing It Neatly In The Audio. Keep It Up, Homeboy...Don't Sleep On This Talent...Nurture It. -1-

thanks, a lot..i appreciate this..im now finished that verse(took a hour break to watch t.v lol)..but im kind of stuck on things to say in the second..and i can't think of a hook lol

il add the rest to the first post(its not much)

Read Ur Pms!

yaya tight. youve gotten betta

thanks^,

bump!

il add the second verse tonight...and maybe a hook..if i get one im happy with

- -

Definatly gotten better dude.. couldnt really find the flow other then that i liked it
keep it up

your multies are getting better & better...they were pretty sick. The opner was dope, the whole rhymes were amazing, flow seems nice but I can't tell how nice untill I hear it on audio, & overall I'm feelin' this shit.
my fave lines were:
So when I’ve said all the fire and I’m dead or retired
I just want you to remember mikes led did inspire

Should say "when mikes spit" instead of
Precise hits when mike spits, leaves you bloody lifeless

I don't get this rhyme,
"I just want you to remember mikes led did inspire

I don't get this line
"The would greatly appreciate if I would go die

Keep on writing. Good flow, and mulites.

Should say "when mikes spit" instead of
Precise hits when mike spits, leaves you bloody lifeless



that wouldn't make sense precise hits when mikes spit..dont make sense..but precise hits when mike spits does...



I don't get this rhyme,
"I just want you to remember mikes led did inspire

.

its basically saying you can hate and think im wack..but what my writes/raps did inspire someone (led of a pencil)



I don't get this line
"The would greatly appreciate if I would go die

.

em..no offence but its not hard to get... people would appreciate if i would die..they would be happier if i wasnt here...



Keep on writing. Good flow, and mulites.

thanks...

Villain mike is his name so when mikes spits

doesnt sound good

oh shit, lol.... i thought you meant when "mics spit". My bad.