View Full Version : ~forget me~


Eleven
09-04-2006, 12:54 PM
done this in 20-30mins yesterday but didn't have the time to post it...

il rep for feed..as usall





FORGET ME?

(hook/chorus)

One day your at the top
Next day your at the bottom
Moneys all he thought
Look how far that got’em
Slowly as my life begins to rot
Forget me is the only advice left I got


(verse 1)

You should forget mike he regrets life he no longer cares
He wrecked writes when he checked mics but he no longer flares
A pen and pad cost a few quid but his lyrics were priceless
And that pen and pad is what he spent his life with
Like a heathen drummer the way he smashed on symbols
Battle him and your leaving under it was just that simple
He was focused on rap but now hes hopeless and wack
Infact he can’t cope with the fact that he chokes on a track
Hes crap hes basic hes cracked lets face it
These tracks took rap and they disgraced it
He lost the plot blowing smoke like an exhaust that’s shot
His fingers were like roads, crossed a lot
But his luck ran out he has nothing left
But can you really ask for more, he gave it his best


(hook/chorus)

One day your at the top
Next day your at the bottom
Moneys all he thought
Look how far that got’em
So slowly as my life starts to rot
Forget me is the only advice left I got


(verse 2)

Its true its like he blew up mics when he opened his mouth
Viewed as tight he chewed up writes looking so proud
Put his heart and soul into everything he spoke
And poured his heart and soul through the ink when he wrote
Wouldn’t stop writing till he had his lights out, breathless
But he liked it dark, so saved for an iced out necklace
He was still painting pictures but in the wrong frame of mind
Legendary like ancient scriptures but left the game behind
He acted like a gangster pretending to be hard
His life had only started but the ending wasn’t far
Living a lie had been giving a try so what was next
He would give the devil his soul, swapped for cheques
Now demons rule his life he’s constantly stressed
Started carving lines of hate into his chest
Depressed so he sliced his wrists, no more yawning
Cause he was tired of waking up every morning

(hook/chorus)

One day your at the top
Next day your at the bottom
Moneys all he thought
Look how far that got’em
So slowly as my life starts to rot
Forget me is the only advice left I got

Darkness
09-04-2006, 01:36 PM
Your getting a lot better man..

.......
09-04-2006, 01:53 PM
hellz ya

Eleven
09-04-2006, 03:45 PM
thanks guys..
but darkness is always high or drunk..so i dont trust his judgement..and legend..is .....well...legend

so i need more feed!!

Darkness
09-04-2006, 03:49 PM
lol

You know me too well with that post and the one in the bipolare thread..Its kinda scary.lol

sorry for the freepost,uppin

Bank™
09-04-2006, 10:08 PM
i liked it... keep it up....

Eleven
09-05-2006, 02:03 PM
thanks^^

uppin

Eleven
09-06-2006, 09:08 AM
uppin...

Advo©ate™
09-06-2006, 09:53 PM
He was still painting pictures but in the wrong frame of mind
^that's a really nice line..
overall, this was decent.

CR/\IG
09-07-2006, 03:20 PM
nice rap man!

Shady Makaveli
09-07-2006, 04:14 PM
Pretty good overall and I liked the concept.

Wouldn’t stop writing till he had his lights out, breathless
But he liked it dark, so saved for an iced out necklace

I think these were the best lines...

Iphorill
09-07-2006, 04:54 PM
that was really hot. you're definitely elevating so fast. I like the fact that your lines were poetic & emotional. the concept was great. Lyrically, you were good especially in putting internal rhymes but you still nedd more work on multies & shit like that. overall it waa good

Eleven
09-11-2006, 03:02 PM
you still nedd more work on multies

do you mean more complex multies??...im guessin you do cause i used a lot of multies

Iphorill
09-11-2006, 03:33 PM
you need to make them rhyme fully & not partly...you got some great multieas tho' for ex:
" lets face it/disgraced it "
" lights out, breathless/iced out necklace"
but most of the others were forced & kinda fake cuz they either didn't rhyme that fully or they were seperated in an unapropriate way...for example:
He acted like a gangster pretending to be hard
His life had only started but the ending wasn’t far
"the ending" rhyme with "pretending" that's obvious & "hard" rhymes with "far"...but when you seperated "pretending" & "hard" you used more than one word/syllable, you've used two & that's too much unless they rhyme too with the other line...so it's the emcee's skill to let his multies well connected...
ex on mutlies didn't rhyme fully:
"priceless/life with"
they do rhyme but not fully...there's nuthin' wrong about using such rhymes plus you can pronounce them in a certain way that will make them rhyme fully but if you use many rhymes like those you'll multies will seem to be weak...you didn't use much of those & overall your multies were good. but you can make them better. you're elevating so fast, honestly.
keep up the good work

Eleven
09-11-2006, 04:14 PM
i get you now^^..props..

Iphorill
09-11-2006, 04:17 PM
glad to be useful...btw,I'm so close to finish your beat.

Eleven
09-11-2006, 04:24 PM
props^^

Darkness
09-13-2006, 02:21 PM
you're a mod and still continue to freepsot in peoples threads..It would be cool to get a good mod for a change

Bank™
09-13-2006, 02:40 PM
it would be cool if you would shut the fuck up...