VERSE #1
ill ryhmed is called makaveli/
that mean i have mashetti's/
and ill crack ur chevy/
dont think that you are ready/
cuz ur just anotha victim of makaveli/
this is fo really/
cuz im the magician/
and ill shoot dishes/
just to kill bitches/
and im fully armed/
and ill kill your farm/
and ill beat yo ass/
i will smoke yo ass . .. .as grass/
and this weed i pass/
to grade this hit/
this is my chorus so sing along to this shit/
(CHORUS)
im ill minded like makaveli/
this ryhme is so tight u can call it heavy/
stop bitch i think ur forgetting/
who this is a.k.a makaveli/
VERSE #2
stop bitch answer the door/
oh hell naw its that bitch whore/
fuck u bitch im not payin child support/
does it look like i care take me to court/
i wish my life was like a pc just to hit abort/
i dont care bout ur money or if ur short/
cuz bitch now imma kill you and get popped/
after u suck my dick be ready to get chopped/
i fucking cant take it any more cant u understand/
fuck u bitch i bet u dont give a damn/
ill geet u one day maybe on candid cam/
but right now makaveli gotta go/
so peace out have a nice life ho/
(CHORUS)
im ill minded like makaveli/
this ryhme is so tight u can call it heavy/
stop bitch i think ur forgetting/
who this is a.k.a makaveli/

first song i dropped ever . .. .
rate 1-10 and why

rate this as a low 2!...
the rhyme schem was wayyyyy too simplistic!.
and times you made no sense what so ever,.. felt like you had to type it just rhyme the last bar..

flow was the only maybe good part of it..

you need to work on the
flow, rhyme schem and making some lryical sense..
and also on metaphours and multie's..

but nice hack at it peace

i agree wit METOL....simple....good try...keep it up, you'll get better, trust me on it...peace cuz

[QUOTE]Originally posted by ILL_RYHMED914
[B]VERSE #1
and ill crack ur chevy/

and ill shoot dishes/
just to kill bitches/
and im fully armed/
and ill kill your farm/

wow^^ thats some of the worst writing I've sen on this board....Go to school and pay attention

2 like mentol said......

yo thanks fo being honest tho' now i kno' what i need to improvise

Improvise.... yeah just pay attention in school

Down Tyke!! Down!!

Just keep practising, learn off others, get collabs and peep other peoples verses.

All About Me, Soldier4Eva69 and KJDragon have all got much better by that.

PZ>

I'm pissed cause no one will vote on ine and Exos battle.... Sorry, listen to Oblivv hes a nice guy, I'm just an asshole.

Originally posted by ObLiViOn

All About Me, Soldier4Eva69 and KJDragon have all got much better by that.

PZ> [/B]

thanks Obliv.. lol. ive worked on it

yeah just like mentol said illrhymed, work on it. i put out that hot song earlier, im doin audio for it soon after verse 4.. i started off just a lil better than u and got to that. so somethin to look foreward to. holla..

Originally posted by ObLiViOn
Down Tyke!! Down!!

Just keep practising, learn off others, get collabs and peep other peoples verses.

All About Me, Soldier4Eva69 and KJDragon have all got much better by that.

PZ>


thanks oblivion...

listen to oblivion...he helped me out and supported me. he knows what he's talkin about. listen to what he says...you'll be thankful later on

and vote on this battle

http://www.eminemweb.com/board/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2322

Wow I'm not even one to diss but that was bad... Very bad... Where to begin...

First...


ill ryhmed is called makaveli/

who this is a.k.a makaveli/


First off you're NOT Makaveli... I'm a big ass Pac fan but even I added "Shady" to it... The second problem is you used the word Makaveli way too many times...

Besides that most of the lines were played, wack, or just plain didn't rhyme.... Tell you the truth you need to work on EVERYTHING... Sorry if that's harsh but...What can I say?

lol - i was blushing throught that :eek:

Thanks for all tha nice comments from people...

And as many as can go vote on Tyke / Exodus' battle, you can call in a favour of feedback later.

I'm peeping it now Tyke - that busted line was ill!

PZ>

even though its true tyke . .. .you are an asshole . .. .i still voted on the battle mostly every one else had a better comment like kidjragon thanx for not being rude not mentioning any names

your lucky I read the comment in my battle thread before I read this, or it wouldn't have been funny to me. And what do you mean, mentioning any names?

Shady Makaveli not tyke

check it 1,2

my ryhmes are old true they were whack/
but i improve at times and on board is where its dropped at/
yo thanx i like to earn respect/
when people start a battle i attack at their neck/
its like a game of spades i always got the ace/
i think that ryhme i dropped was to me a disgrace/
look before anyone replies on how i did/
make sure u made the right descision or if u want a vote from me ill give u jack shit/
look im improving dont you see/
next time people diss me imma make em six feet deep/
and when im done ill will be in a cypher/
heres a message that u probably want to decipher/
here something before i tell ya u should run for ya life-a/
cuz this is my life, with an annoying ass wife/
(chorus)
i know i could be bitch/
but dont snitch on me/
ill kill u like it was a cinch/
so pray for people not be wannabes/

verse 2

dont cross me cuz cuz im like a black cat,i give bad luck/
so watch yaself people or ya might get yaself cut/
if u here glocks its probably mine/
watch out u might get hit by my millimeter .9/
your the bullet and im the fuckin gun/
i'll cock my hammer back and kick you in the ass son/
teperature at absolute zero turn this joint up to the boilin point/
cooking the crooked rhymes is the point/
me and shortie sex it up and smoke some trees/
what ever you please ma you know the steez/
oh please its a breeze rollin in chease/
ounces of shrooms for 150 sellin the shit and walls are cavin in in my room/
assume the postion wished you never battled me/
claim you schoolin students and watch me visioushly spit on your whole facilty/
infinitaly spit to the apifany/
why do i try so hard while you spit shitaly/

waaaaaay better:D

RATE THAT ! !! !:D

4.5/10 hey I woulda given that kill your farm line a -59 /10

damn tyke i wanted to say this before but that lil comic u have there is funny as hell ! !! !