hey, well this may sound kina corny but i wanna thank all those who responded to my last thread,(finally). i know my vocab and whatever is a lil weak in this but i am tired cuz ive been up most a the night arguin on the phone wit my man, so it may be a little weak but give me your honest feed.
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ive always thought my life was hell/
it started the day that i was released from my cell/
when my granpa died, all i did was cried/
when i started flunkin outa school/
i felt like the biggest fool/
i started actin ghetto/
became to frightened to even say hello/
got sick more often, could seem to stop coughen/
started to feel alone/
was even scared to pick up a phone/
my only friend was my glock/
stuck it to a guys head n put m in shock/
started gettin inta fights/
couldnt go home most nights/
just wanted to fufill my dreams/
didnt wanna play nemo sceams/
sat starin at my mom n dads picture/
got so mad i broke my light fixture/
started takin advice from soldier4eva/
knowin that me becomin a rapper may be neva/
went to my grandpas grave and had cried/
wishin that it was me who had died/
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that was real deep, and the vocab was much better, good work keep it up, that was a good verse! peace

... is hard to even be interested in this, its the same stuff over and over.....

yeah, its a little repetitive...
the flows a little choppy, but its aight
put some more into what ur sayin, maybe...

well, it was actually pretty good. Im not the best at writin so i cant say that you werent good cuz then i would be a fuckin snob. as far as im concerned it was better than nethin i eva wrote, so keep it up.
peace

:p

PZ>

nice, thanks for the shout out babe. deep shit fo real....keep it up

were you really released from jail? and do you actually own a glock?..i find it a little hard to believe...

...didnt like much cuz its a played concept and its not particulary deep..

..dont front a fake image..be who you are.

nah man-theres nothing wrong with adding a little made up shit. every1 keeps sayin be real to yourself but whats wrong with making shit up to express how you feel or to make sum1 else laugh a little?? that aint having a go at mcd coz he knows i like his shit.

you said it yourself-it was a little simple but it was kinda deep-and for such short bars you gotta lot of feeling into it! try and lengthen your bars and expand on what youve just written-e.g. if u were really in prison write a whole thread on what it was like-the good and bad parts,the lezzies n stuff :D instead of just sayin u got released from a cell.

but hey wot do i kno?!
(dont ansa that question!)

thanks fo the help, ill try harder. Tyke if you are readin this, i want ta tell you that i would appreciate it if you were a little more specific. thanks
peace

Well, all your shit is uncreative, and centers on the same topic; the misery of life. There is nothing wrong with it, just the way you do it makes it unoriginal. The words your rhyming are simple one sylable words, your vocab is very limited especially on the words you rhyme, you have no real rhyme scheme, almost no flow... All I can say is practice makes perfect, your a lot younger than me I'm sure, so with time I'm sure you will improve. I would just rather be criticle an honest, than a kiss ass who is unsincere.

And quit posting the same feedback...

*sigh* thanks tyke, ill try harder..................