I walk in the room, dead silence
no allience and im tryin'
find my truth
but this ruthless
toothless punk comes up and
gives me a rub ba dub dub
and i whack im in the place, no not the face
the place, and chase him out the room
with a fuckin' broom whack him ova' the head, he dead
oh shit got a drill bit in my head
It's painless but i cant seem to see anything in front of me
exept a white bitch jackin' off beautifly
and truthly i don't give a shit
its melevolent
and i search for the nail
oh hail this shit hurts
i fall down to the ground and grab a knife
stab my self in the head and then my wife
lay down felt bold, but i started to get cold
same old thing all over again
wake up in jail with a fuckin' scar on my head
good fuckin' thing i ain't dead
look over, theres some guy who 's red and then i fade out
and see black
The black is back,
another attack
strikes back and harder this time
makes me wonder if ill finish this rhyme
but i guess i have cause your at the end.


(brain kit=head)

i seen you went after multis .. thats good but you still have room to
elvate there ..

ex. [random]
no not the face
the place, and chase him out the room
with a fuckin' broom whack him ova' the head

face-place-chase .. room-broom (all one sylable)
add words w/more sylables and it'll make da flow
more sick,ya know..
ex.
face-estate-retaliate .. (makes ur flow standout a lil more)

I liked the energy you had going .. +
the structure needs some work .. (seperate your bars with // ) that way
the readers can follow your flow speed n punch ..

the punches 'em selves were a lil simple ..
i would of liked to see some more effort on wordplay n creativity ..
but still they were straight foward n delivered good ..

I give it a 6.5/10 ..
I see alot of potential in your style ..
you still have room to elevate in areas ..
Keep writing .. peace

^i agree, and keep it up

Thanks im workin on a new one right now , hope to post it in 10 min or so, almost done. Thanks for the review it helped me understand some stuff.