K i did this is the advice room but Jade had a prob with it.
K i was in class when i did this and i dont rap/write poems just so u know but i was bored and thought i'd try.and i dont intend on doing it again, it may suck , probz does but i'd like to see wat ya think
what you think ? and what does it need?
P.S when you tell me tel me as if i was a 5yr old and explain to me as if i was 5 lol
thnx
P.S this is a rap or poem which eva suits you.

Now listen up and listen good
I’m through with you , all you do is fuckin’ complain about all your “pain”
What the fuck?! What about my pain? What about what you put me through?
Zackly!
So think before you come n cry to me.
Coz I’m done I aint gonna listen nomore , I anint gonna care nomore.
So ur on ur on, go on n find sumone else to listen to all ur lies and crys coz if I listen to one more bullshit story about how fucked up your life is I’m gonna show you wats fucked up, I’m gonna take you into my life but just a peek and you’ll have nightmares for the rest of ur days once u’v seen my ways n wen that’s done come bak to me and complain about my fuckin life that’s so insane and cry about all MY fuckin pain.


k thats it
and its my 1st one so plz dont be mean i tried lol

lol............

lol............
funny hey ? but its not enough plz give me more than a "lol"

its a real poetic rap (infact it almost is a poem in my mind)

but since you posted it as a rap im gona rate it as a rap


for a first it was actually dope...for a newbie..not for a rapper(im pretty newb aswell tho) but anyway

it had a different structure from most raps which made it hard to follow, apart from that it was lacking wordplay,punches,multies..basically everything that makes a rap..but it did have a lot of emotion which almost made up for it, the best raps are the ones that come from the heart or the ones that just happen..like your sitting thinking about something and suddenly realise how ill it could be in a rap..there usally the best....this was a good attempt ..especially for a first

taking into consideration that this is the first time you rapped and that your a newb im gona give it 6.5/10



a word of warning a lot of people gon say this is wack cause it aint what there use to seeing..but i got a pretty open mind...so i see the positive side in everything

-pz-1-

Thank you ^^^
Ok well fine its not a rap then its a poem...Coz i dont rap n i dont know the 1st thing bout makin a rap so if it seem more like a poem then it is.

Thank you ^^^
Ok well fine its not a rap then its a poem...Coz i dont rap n i dont know the 1st thing bout makin a rap so if it seem more like a poem then it.

lol its cool i was just giving my opinion

ok i have 3 diff ending to it
here they are....

1)
When thats done come bak to me and complain about my fuckin life thats so insane and cry about MY mutha fuckin pain
the one i already have

2)
come bak to me and complain about my life thats so fuckin insain and see what is real muthafuckin pain

3)
Come bak to me and complain about my motherfuckin pain and tell me how its all insain

its all pretty much the same thing but just the words are swopt around

nice girl real nice ur good

thnx ^^^

about the endings, you tell me wich one is best...

You know you've made it big time when Hotboy likes your raps :]

You know nothing about rap (not saying I know much, but you know even less) this isn't a rap and it can't really even be callled a poem. But the emotion is there, so that's one thing, it's a start. If you keep writting down your feelings, and kinda play with the words and shit, you could write a good POEM. But if you're thinking about writting a good RAP, we both have alot to learn, lol. I didn't even realise rap was so fucking complicated until Ben (Carnage) told me all about it. So trust me, this isn't a rap. I'm not too good at giving advice on this kinda thing LOL, but yeah like I said, keep writting your thoughts and feelings down and you could become a poet. :].

Now, you won't get any nicer than this from me. Apreicate it. :]

You know you've made it big time when Hotboy likes your raps :]

You know nothing about rap (not saying I know much, but you know even less) this isn't a rap and it can't really even be callled a poem. But the emotion is there, so that's one thing, it's a start. If you keep writting down your feelings, and kinda play with the words and shit, you could write a good POEM. But if you're thinking about writting a good RAP, we both have alot to learn, lol. I didn't even realise rap was so fucking complicated until Ben (Carnage) told me all about it. So trust me, this isn't a rap. I'm not too good at giving advice on this kinda thing LOL, but yeah like I said, keep writting your thoughts and feelings down and you could become a poet. :].

Now, you won't get any nicer than this from me. Apreicate it. :]
Ahhh that coming from you is WOW yeah i will apreicate it THNX :D
anyway ja i dont know shit about rap. and i rather stick to writing poems seems easyer lol but anymore advice would be great

You know you've made it big time when Hotboy likes your raps :]
HAHAHAHA lol yeah

Its nice man, good job for a start got some tips tho

1. If you wanna like go on forever just link things that rhyme, but make some sense, and don't only talk about one thing unless its a really short rhyme.

2. you don't have to rhyme, think of the music playing to this in your head, and write what goes good with that

3. if you want u can email me and i can help u with some stuff


madmax93@msn.com

oh thank you ^^ that is wat i wanted thnx man

all........