ment to be a rap freestyle but me and others thought it was more of a poem so ehy not post here

this is my first ever poem so dont be to harsh

uppin for feedback


if i should die before i wake, i pray the lord my soul to take
my eyes are red from blood and hate,this worlds to much for me to take
we got war in iraq and war in the street
just one look and your swamped with heat
stress and pain bottled up inside, i'd rather die then stay alive
thats why i drink the forty then im drunk to drive
your've figeurd me out im to weak to hide
i dont know if your my soulmate,or just something special
i dont know wheather to walk through the gate or just wait by the metal
you got me twisted up im in two minds
are you after me? show me the signs

Sick dude, very descriptive with your rhymes. Props

Yeah, I like it. It's pretty good:):

I do like it but like u said it was ment to be a freestyle and it does suit that a little better, The only thing that makes it not so much a poem is it goes totally off track at "I don't know if ur my soul mate" it is like u have 2 unfinished poems and put them together to make one thats why I think it suits the freestyle bettre but hey ur word ussage is really good alot better than mine.