(talking)
the red shadows creep across her floor in no destination,
all of her fears seap into her head with no hesitation,
her memories leak from her mind with out restoration,
she thinks of how she misses-him and dies of desperation...
she starves for how his lips-felt-then and seeks for his affection,
trys hard to forgot how it-felt-then by thinking shes perfection...

[chorus]
The crimson moon shifts the red light in the sky,
with your distant room faints from the visions in your eyes,
and the consistent gloom rains down fears from the night,
and your wishing-soon that youll wake up from this dream called life!

[verse1]
he pops 40 ouncers after the henny's all gone,
hes so depressed that he listens to gospel songs,
he trys to get faith because all he has is god,
he downed a few X, but didnt think that was alot.
He didnt get happy, instead he went to a school parking lot,
he pulled out his gun, went in the store and everyone was shot.
All because of one bitch who dissed him and the way he is,
he shot 50 kids and all because he was depressed and pissed.
That night the the moon turned crimson with a fearing pause,
it stayed stuck in the sky and spread its red light across.
It slowly started moving towards earth,
the life this boy lived is a curse or even worse...
what could cause this kid to flip on his school?
what could cause this boy to shoot everyone and keep cool...?

chorus

[verse 2]
she sniffs coc when shes done with the meth,
she licks up the powder when her nose limit is met.
She gets so high and drugged out from her pain inside,
she feels so shy and loved when shes high but its a lie.
she sleeps around with guys since she left her boy and hes locked up,
hes the shootout suspect and he hated by the judge,
shes trying to quit and lay down on the drugs,
but it aint happening because her lifes so messed up.

chorus
+
repeat in-outro



[i] ok this is what ive started, if you want work on it with me and help me out, if not ill finish later cuz im dead tired lol. l8a playas, im out. feedback plz

chorus is super hot!
i like the intro two, good concept for a song
first verse was tight and the flow was all there
its hard to judge the second verse cuz its not complete but getting there

i was really down with these last four lines of the first verse:

It slowly started moving towards earth,
the life this boy lived is a curse or even worse...
what could cause this kid to flip on his school?
what could cause this boy to shoot everyone and keep cool...?

like the repetition and the line with curse and worse

hot hot shit, finish this hot song. peace

thanks for the reply bro, i aint been on lately to give detailed feed to you all people cause of basketball and my girl but im tryin. i worked on that song for a while and im still workin on it, i think the rest of V2 and then V3 will be up tonight, morning, or tomorrow night. depends on when i can get time to post cuz its late and im tired now.

l8a, jragon

This was aiiight man... The intro was real nice.. The chorus worked well while the rest of the track didn't live up to the early promise.. There were nice lines in there but not enough to keep my full attention.. Keep going with it though..

eX

[in/outro] (talking)
the red shadows creep across her floor in no destination,
all of her fears seap into her head with no hesitation,
her memories leak from her mind with out restoration,
she thinks of how she misses-him and dies of desperation...
she starves for how his lips-felt-then and seeks for his affection,
trys hard to forgot how it-felt-then by thinking shes perfection...

[chorus]
The crimson moon shifts the red light in the sky,
with your distant room faints from the visions in your eyes,
and the consistent gloom rains down fears from the night,
and your wishing-soon that youll wake up from this dream called life!

[verse1]
he pops 40 ouncers after the henny's all gone,
hes so depressed that he listens to gospel songs,
he trys to get faith because all he has is god,
he downed a few X, but didnt think that was alot.
He didnt get happy, instead he went to a school parking lot,
he pulled out his gun, went in the store and everyone was shot.
All because of one bitch who dissed him and the way he is,
he shot 50 kids and all because he was depressed and pissed.
That night the the moon turned crimson with a fearing pause,
it stayed stuck in the sky and spread its red light across.
It slowly started moving towards earth,
the life this boy lived is a curse or even worse...
what could cause this kid to flip on his school?
what could cause this boy to shoot everyone and keep cool...?

chorus

[verse 2]
she sniffs coc when shes done with the meth,
she licks up the powder when her nose limit is met.
She gets so high and drugged out from her pain inside,
she feels so shy and loved when shes high but its a lie.
she sleeps around with guys since she left her boy and hes locked up,
hes the shootout suspect and hes hated by the judge,
shes trying to quit and lay down on the drugs,
but it aint happening because her lifes so messed up.
Her familys a disfunstion and it works out once a month,
she goes back to chicago but shes raggin so she has no fun.
Her boyfriend writes her in juvi and ask her why shes gotta run,
shes about to reply before the moonlight and hears the sound of a gun...

chorus

[verse3]
He escapes prison a couple years later as a fugitive,
he comes home to find his girl gone from loosin-it,
he looks at her grave, R.I.P., but now hes refusin-it,
he wont take in that his girl shot herself on their anniversary,
what could be so wrong that she hated herself into diversity,
he wipes away his prints on the bell that was in his burglary,
he stole the AK from the back because hes not gonna be hurt-for-weeks,
he finds the scar she left on his arm, from their fight it set off alarms-
in his head because the moon was crimson again and it was warm.
The night was right for this boy to get rid of-it-all...
but, what did he do? He didnt shoot, instead he slit,
so as he died he could remember his memories and hardships.
so as he cried while his blood drained away, he can still taste her lips,
wandered why she lied because they could be happy intead of ripped...

chorus

[verse4]
[[almost done]]

chorus
+
intro/outro repeat

damn that was hot. .. . think the third verse was best . .. .good lyrics

yeah that intro was deep.. why don't the rest of your rhymes sound that good.. I liked the heart behinf this, aside from mediocre rhymes.

(talking)
the red shadows creep across her floor in no destination,
all of her fears seap into her head with no hesitation,
her memories leak from her mind with out restoration,
she thinks of how she misses-him and dies of desperation...
she starves for how his lips-felt-then and seeks for his affection,
trys hard to forgot how it-felt-then by thinking shes perfection...

[chorus]
The crimson moon shifts the red light in the sky,
with your distant room faints from the visions in your eyes,
and the consistent gloom rains down fears from the night,
and your wishing-soon that youll wake up from this dream called life!

[verse1]
he pops 40 ouncers after the henny's all gone,
hes so depressed that he listens to gospel songs,
he trys to get faith because all he has is god,
he downed a few X, but didnt think that was alot.
He didnt get happy, instead he went to a school parking lot,
he pulled out his gun, went in the store and everyone was shot.
All because of one bitch who dissed him and the way he is,
he shot 50 kids and all because he was depressed and pissed.
That night the the moon turned crimson with a fearing pause,
it stayed stuck in the sky and spread its red light across.
It slowly started moving towards earth,
the life this boy lived is a curse or even worse...
what could cause this kid to flip on his school?
what could cause this boy to shoot everyone and keep cool...?

chorus

[verse 2]
she sniffs coc when shes done with the meth,
she licks up the powder when her nose limit is met.
She gets so high and drugged out from her pain inside,
she feels so shy and loved when shes high but its a lie.
she sleeps around with guys since she left her boy and hes locked up,
hes the shootout suspect and hes hated by the judge,
shes trying to quit and lay down on the drugs,
but it aint happening because her lifes so messed up.
Her familys a disfunstion and it works out once a month,
she goes back to chicago but shes raggin so she has no fun.
Her boyfriend writes her in juvi and ask her why shes gotta run,
shes about to reply before the moonlight and hears the sound of a gun...

chorus

[verse3]
He escapes prison a couple years later as a fugitive,
he comes home to find his girl gone from loosin-it,
he looks at her grave, R.I.P., but now hes refusin-it,
he wont take in that his girl shot herself on their anniversary,
what could be so wrong that she hated herself into diversity,
he wipes away his prints on the bell that was in his burglary,
he stole the AK from the back because hes not gonna be hurt-for-weeks,
he finds the scar she left on his arm, from their fight it set off alarms-
in his head because the moon was crimson again and it was warm.
The night was right for this boy to get rid of-it-all...
but, what did he do? He didnt shoot, instead he slit,
so as he died he could remember his memories and hardships.
so as he cried while his blood drained away, he can still taste her lips,
wandered why she lied because they could be happy intead of ripped...

chorus

[verse4]
The perly gates open and the flames rise up from hell,
they both ended up in heaven when they should of fell,
so satan sentenced us to remember christ and his nails,
and never forget how these lovers love failed.
They messed up, the deprivation departed-them,
she fessed-up to god as she took a look hard-at-him,
now they rest-up soft, the boy knew she was apart-of-him,
and they forget-stuff that brought them down and have heartless-sin.
But the cartilage that their skin once had,
its ripped to the core in the casket, people-sad,
the kids look down from the clouds as god once-had,
they see the two teens as ghost now hav-ing-a-blast.
They reap the two teens' boast, but they arent-mad,
because they see the two teens are broke, and now there-back.
Dead to the world and themselves forever,
but to eachother in their eyes, they'll always be together..
(child whisper) on a crimson moon......

chorus
+
intro/outro repeat

[i] there ya go, verse 4 done! :D lol. theres a good lesson and story to this song, so feedback if u want and tell me what u think it is. im out now yall so holla

bro that was d
e
e
p..........nice work keep it up cuz