View Full Version : White people jokes
These were SOOOOOOO hard to find:
What do you call a white guy who needs to go somewhere across town but does not own an automobile?
A taxi.
Why did the white man cross the road?
Because he needed something that was on the other side of the road.
What do you say when you see a white man carrying a TV?
"Excuse me sir, you dropped your receipt!"
What do you call a mob of white people at the University of Maryland burning down the city?
A Maryland championship.
What do you call a mob of white people in Detriot burning down the city?
A hockey victory.
What do you call a mob of white people in Alabama?
A lynching.
What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?
The NBA
What do you call a white guy on "Jeopardy?"
A contestant.
What did the white guy see when looking at his family tree?
A straight line.
What does a white man do when he is unhappy with our current government decisions?
He writes a letter.
What does a white man do at the club?
Pout while all the colored folk are bumpin' & grindin' with all of his fine white bitches.
What does a white man say when he catches his wife cheating on him?
"I forgive you"
What do you call a white man in court?
The lawyer.
What did the white woman do after she spilled hot coffee on her legs?
File a lawsuit.
How do you stop five white guys from raping a white woman?
Throw them a golf ball.
What do you call a white man in the ghetto?
A victim.
What do you call a white cop?
Police brutality.
Why do white people like to play hockey?
It’s the only other way to beat something black up if they're not a cop.
How did the white boy come out of the grocery store with a six pack?
He walked in and payed for it.
You know what sucks about being white?
Not much, really. I mean, there are starving people in Africa, and all those tsunami victims in Asia...I'd say we're pretty lucky.
Donnie-Darkflow 03-01-2006, 04:15 PM nice, what do u call a bunch of white people in a bowl.....u give up.......crackerz
thouse are good ive never seen that many white jokes be4 props
Alacran 03-01-2006, 07:04 PM this is all gy and i dont se humer in any of em
D.O.A 03-01-2006, 07:11 PM why jokes about any colour of person !?!?!?
Alacran 03-01-2006, 07:13 PM 1.they was stupid ass joke
2.made no sence
3.racism u guys pissed when we used blacks as slaves and u just as bad now
4.shit i meen bullshit
Flawless 03-01-2006, 07:42 PM um like 3 of them had a moment
Alacran 03-01-2006, 08:12 PM outa 40
Flawless 03-01-2006, 08:13 PM lol ya
kattastrophik 03-01-2006, 08:41 PM What's the difference between a black guy and a pile of dogshit? After awhile the pile of dogshit turns white, and stops stinkin'.
kattastrophik 03-01-2006, 08:42 PM Take that ^ bitch
Donnie-Darkflow 03-01-2006, 08:46 PM wow thats all i gota say
Carnage™ 03-01-2006, 08:47 PM she's white herself you fucking retarded chipmonks.
kattastrophik 03-01-2006, 08:47 PM I aint racist AT ALL, but I just had to post that in retaliation to this bitch writing "white jokes". Stupid bitch
Alacran 03-01-2006, 08:52 PM FCUK THE FREE WORLD *random* just watched 8 mile
Flawless 03-01-2006, 08:57 PM i aint racist i like color jokes though lke white and black jokes there funny
D.O.A 03-01-2006, 09:02 PM oh god....
Alacran 03-01-2006, 09:12 PM wh did the black guy cross the road..for chicken and waffles LOL now thats funny
Jon Bon Jovi 03-01-2006, 09:41 PM What's the difference between a black guy and a pile of dogshit? After awhile the pile of dogshit turns white, and stops stinkin'.
That's horrible.
Flawless 03-01-2006, 09:46 PM ya it is im black bro so dont fuk with me
Alacran 03-01-2006, 09:47 PM wh did the black guy cross the road..for chicken and waffles LOL now thats funny
LOL to that one
Saoirse 03-01-2006, 10:07 PM why jokes about any colour of person !?!?!?
well, Amber always does it. she posts racist jokes about colour or religion but she says she's not racist.;)
because apparently you can make racist jokes and insult others without being racist!!
kattastrophik 03-01-2006, 10:21 PM ya it is im black bro so dont fuk with me
Man, I aint fuckin with you. What're you talkin' bout? My best friend is black, I grew up in LA county, 80% of the music I listen to is made by black people, and I live with a black family. I'm the only white guy here. There's NO WAY I could have even 1 ounce of racism in me. I even hit some fag in the leg with my car in gas station parking lot because he had a swastika tattoo on the back of his neck. +peace+
D.O.A 03-01-2006, 10:21 PM lmao... confused is the word
Saoirse 03-01-2006, 10:26 PM lmao... confused is the word
I understand you.
I don't find it acceptable to make racist jokes. I think it is racism, but some ppl disagree
DeA†h 03-01-2006, 11:26 PM Ha,...white people are the most pathetic u'll ever find
Flawless 03-01-2006, 11:49 PM Man, I aint fuckin with you. What're you talkin' bout? My best friend is black, I grew up in LA county, 80% of the music I listen to is made by black people, and I live with a black family. I'm the only white guy here. There's NO WAY I could have even 1 ounce of racism in me. I even hit some fag in the leg with my car in gas station parking lot because he had a swastika tattoo on the back of his neck. +peace+
lol ya im kidding me not black but i act like i am. lol
Carnage™ 03-02-2006, 12:29 AM lol ya im kidding me not black but i act like i am. lol
CHEA, CHEA, WUT UP MAYNE!?!111?!1 WUT UP!?!1 BACK DA FUKK UP NUKKA?!111!? CHEA!?!1 WUT WUT!?! YES YES YA'LL. BEATBOX MAYNE BOOM BOOM TISH, CHICKA, CHICKA, BOOM ISH, BOOM BOOM TICKA.
PEEEZ MAYNE
LOL@ What the fuck just happened to my thread???!!
I am white and making jokes about my people. So what does that mean, I'm racist against my own race? Yeah, ok.
I just love having a politically incorrect sense of humor. So sue me. For those of you who are offended by jokes like this, then don't read them, mkay?
As I said before, it's ok for comedians to go on TV and make the same kind of jokes I just did, and they get away with it because people think they're funny. But when I do it, I get shitted on. WTF?
And if you didn't find any of them funny, then you must not even understand them in the first place.
Donnie-Darkflow 03-02-2006, 01:38 AM ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Jon Bon Jovi 03-02-2006, 08:36 AM CHEA, CHEA, WUT UP MAYNE!?!111?!1 WUT UP!?!1 BACK DA FUKK UP NUKKA?!111!? CHEA!?!1 WUT WUT!?! YES YES YA'LL. BEATBOX MAYNE BOOM BOOM TISH, CHICKA, CHICKA, BOOM ISH, BOOM BOOM TICKA.
PEEEZ MAYNE
How the hell did you get to type in all caps? It never works for me, it just goes back to normal.
Er anyway......Amber is right. Don't read this thread if you don't like it. I personally don't like racist jokes, it just isn't funny to me, but I'm not dumb enough to complain in a thread which I know is gonna be racist. I just have the brains to not read it. But I am brainy like dat :-B .
Jon Bon Jovi 03-02-2006, 08:36 AM CHEA, CHEA, WUT UP MAYNE!?!111?!1 WUT UP!?!1 BACK DA FUKK UP NUKKA?!111!? CHEA!?!1 WUT WUT!?! YES YES YA'LL. BEATBOX MAYNE BOOM BOOM TISH, CHICKA, CHICKA, BOOM ISH, BOOM BOOM TICKA.
PEEEZ MAYNE
How the hell did you get to type in all caps? It never works for me, it just goes back to normal.
Er anyway......Amber is right. Don't read this thread if you don't like it. I personally don't like racist jokes, it just isn't funny to me, but I'm not dumb enough to complain in a thread which I know is gonna be racist. I just have the brains to not read it. But I am brainy like dat :-B .
Saoirse 03-02-2006, 08:41 AM I'm not dumb enough to complain in a thread which I know is gonna be racist
but didn't you post this here earlier?? (responding to a racist comment in this racist thread)
That's horrible.
Jon Bon Jovi 03-02-2006, 08:46 AM I believe I did. But making one little comment like that is hardley calling somebody, who is making jokes about HER OWN RACE, racist.
Saoirse 03-02-2006, 08:48 AM ^ Aha.............
Carnage™ 03-02-2006, 10:27 AM How the hell did you get to type in all caps? It never works for me, it just goes back to normal.
BECAUSE I DID, OK?!111?!! I CAN STILL DO IT!!!!!
Jon Bon Jovi 03-02-2006, 10:37 AM I Like Eggs.
Jon Bon Jovi 03-02-2006, 10:38 AM See!!!! :(
Pfft
i enjoyed the jokes...and i'm white...
Donnie-Darkflow 03-02-2006, 01:14 PM yeah no shit i know black people that like to hear black jokes too
kattastrophik 03-02-2006, 01:19 PM Yeah, yeah, yeah..............enough of the racism conversation. Lemmie start a new controversy. lol Whatyall' think of my new sig?????? :cool:
Saoirse 03-02-2006, 01:36 PM ^ it's funny! lol
D.O.A 03-02-2006, 08:49 PM nice... lol
de douche 10-12-2007, 02:03 PM I am white and it saddens me to see jokes like these. Not that I think that jokes about race are bad I just would like more creativity in the jokes. Some of the jokes weren't that bad but I would like to see some more effort. Here is one of the best that I have heard so far and if any one has some thing of this caliber pleas post it I would like to get some really funny white jokes.
what do you call a white woman with a yeast infection????
Crakerz with cheese.
some were ok, most were dumb, the first is just stupid. most taxi drivers are indian.
Soulmate 2 10-13-2007, 11:20 PM I didn't get the taxi one... oh well . The crackers and cheese Gosh thats sick and I mean in the original sick meaning of the word.
60 Channels 10-15-2007, 03:53 AM How Many White Pepole Does it Take To Screw In a Lightbulb??????
None They'll Have a Nigger Do it!
Bernard 10-15-2007, 11:02 AM Blond jokes are white jokes.
Race humor easily gets out of hand though, and in the end we're only making fun of how narrow minded we are in race perceptions.
*~Leah Bia~* 10-15-2007, 07:11 PM I have yet to hear a good white joke. I mean, I hear black jokes and I'm not racist by any means, but they are (in a sick twisted sense of humor way) funny for the moment. But it's more like, "OMG, I can't believe you just said that." Not like, "SO TRUE!"
I wanna hear a good white joke though. I think we are just too cool for anyone to come up with a bad one...unless you bust out like redneck jokes, but shit we tell those about our own kind, so does that count? lol
I'm babbling..
*~Leah Bia~* 10-15-2007, 07:12 PM What do you call a mob of white people in Detriot burning down the city?
A hockey victory.
LOL...or Devil's Night.
*~Leah Bia~* 10-15-2007, 07:20 PM When I was at the bike rally, this woman told a joke and it went something like this.
A black boy is playing in the kitchen and he covers himself in flour. He goes up to his mother and says "Mummy, look at me ! I'm not a little black boy anymore I'm a little white boy!"
WHACK ! His mum slaps him around the head, "Go and tell your Father what you just said !"
So the little black boy, complete with sore cheek walks into the living room and says to his Father "Daddy look at me ! I'm not a little black boy any more I'm a little white boy!"
WHACK ! His father kicks him in the balls, "Go and tell your Gran what you just said !"
So the little black boy hobbles into the garden and says to his Gran "Granny look at me ! I'm not a little black boy any more I'm a little white boy!"
WHACK ! His gran punches him in the nose and asks him what he has to say for himself.
Standing there with blood pouring down his face, clutching his balls he says "I've only been a white boy for 5 minutes and already I hate n*ggers!"
*~Leah Bia~* 10-15-2007, 07:20 PM This one made me chuckle. ;) lol
A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch prick, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy asks.. "What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"
The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch prick, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Turner Brown!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn Around!!”
Flawless 10-16-2007, 01:37 AM When I was at the bike rally, this woman told a joke and it went something like this.
A black boy is playing in the kitchen and he covers himself in flour. He goes up to his mother and says "Mummy, look at me ! I'm not a little black boy anymore I'm a little white boy!"
WHACK ! His mum slaps him around the head, "Go and tell your Father what you just said !"
So the little black boy, complete with sore cheek walks into the living room and says to his Father "Daddy look at me ! I'm not a little black boy any more I'm a little white boy!"
WHACK ! His father kicks him in the balls, "Go and tell your Gran what you just said !"
So the little black boy hobbles into the garden and says to his Gran "Granny look at me ! I'm not a little black boy any more I'm a little white boy!"
WHACK ! His gran punches him in the nose and asks him what he has to say for himself.
Standing there with blood pouring down his face, clutching his balls he says "I've only been a white boy for 5 minutes and already I hate n*ggers!"
LMAO!!!
mastertorres 02-10-2008, 08:54 PM To all of ya white joke haters Fuck ya and ya racist asses. I like the jokes and so does my WHITE girlfriend ya fucking shit eating racist bastards. I support *A* and her thought's so whoever hates her post can just go fuck yourselves or something
SENECOR 4LYF 02-17-2008, 11:04 AM y racism jokess/?? i had a joke about a white man on me by a blak guy and then i was crying for dys
~IntaFlex~ 02-18-2008, 03:45 AM ^What the fuck died in your post?
dr.zikos 02-18-2008, 08:32 AM hello everybody
dr.zikos 02-18-2008, 08:33 AM im rapper maraocain i want to do feat with a rapper lives in usa if anyone wan to do that thats my msn ok samir_hafir@hotmail
dr.ip 03-12-2008, 09:14 PM hhhhhhhhhhhhhh lol
darkiwi 03-16-2008, 03:19 PM honestly im just glade there are white people jokes. i've never heard any and i always wonderd what they sounded like. im sure there are better. i know me and my friends are always throwing out jokes like this. ( i hvae a mixed group of friends. black, white, asian, all kind.) but none of us knew any white jokes. if any one has better white jokes pst them. im white but i would love to know some so i could throw some out there when where all jokeing around.
dr.ip 04-01-2008, 10:51 PM one day a teach was attempting to teach the names of animals to a class of 5 years olds she held up a picture of a deer and asked one boy "billy what is this animal?little billy looked at the picture with a disheartened look on his face and responded "im sorry mrs smith i dont know"the teacher was not one to give up easily so she then asked billy"well billy what does ur mommy call ur daddy?"lettle billy's face suddently brightened up but then a confused look came over his face as he asked "mrs smith is that really a pig?"!
What does a white man say when he catches his wife cheating on him?
"I forgive you"
fuck that
What do you call a white man in court?
The lawyer.
two words Johnny Cockran
leaker 07-27-2008, 06:25 PM I had to join this site just to ask this Leah Bia person if she is serious? Does she really think white people are so "cool" that no one can make jokes about them? Surely, you jest. What is cool about being white? You spend all of your time in tanning salons trying to look black. Your youth try to dress like black people. They listen to black music. What is so cool about this? Here. You want some white joke that aren't redneck based....okay....
How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.
What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!
What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake
How long does it take for a white women to take a crap???
9 months
Why do so many white people get lost skiing?
It's hard to find them in the snow.
What do you call a bunch of white guys in a circle?
A Dope Ring!
What does a white woman and a tampon have in common? A: They're both stuck up cunts.
How many white girls does it take to screw in a light? A: None, white girls can't screw
What's the difference between a white whore and a bitch? A: The white whore would screw everybody in the room and the bitch would fuck everyone but you.
etc., etc., etc......Google is an amazing tool and quite easy to use. But some people see only what they want to see. You are trying to act as if the material is not there. Don't flatter yourself.
~IntaFlex~ 08-01-2008, 10:53 PM You spend all of your time in tanning salons trying to look black. Your youth try to dress like black people. They listen to black music.
hahahahahaha
platapussy 11-19-2008, 02:56 AM all u individuals who r getting pissed off at the racist jokes just dont u dont have to be racist to listen to a few jokes and have a good time
londonone 12-20-2008, 11:48 PM jokers leaker you chat the most shite ever boy, read my jokes
what do you do when a black woman is 9months pregnant
call crimestoppers
what do you call the sea full of black people
coco pops
what do you call 2 black people lieing on the curb
skidmarks
what do you call 4 black people in bed
kitkat
what do you call a black man having sex
rape
what happened to the black woman that had an abortion
crime stoppers sent her a check for 500 pounds
what do you call a black priest
holy shit
what word starts with "N" and ends with "R" that you never want to call a black person
neighbor
do you remember the black family on the Jetsons
no
the future looks pretty good
whats the difference between a black jew and a white Jew
the black ones have to sit in the back of the gas chamber
whats the difference between an African kid and a pair of jeans
the jeans only have one fly on it
why don't black people listen to country music
because every time they hear the word ho-down, they think one of their sisters are dead
whats long and black
the unemployment line
what do people and jelly beans have in common
nobody likes the black ones
what is the only positive thing about black people
HIV
whats the difference between a black guy and a pizza
a pizza can feed a family of four
whats the difference between a couch and a black guy
a couch can support a family of four
what do to u call a white guy surrounded by 12 black guys
coach
why were Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder always smiling
because they didn't know they were black
in responce to leakers thread
hope ever1 laughed lool coz i always do :D
Donnie-Darkflow 12-21-2008, 06:40 PM dude not cool...i dont find these funny at all
SMICHAELH 01-18-2009, 10:50 PM What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10 black guys?
The quarterback.
What do you call one white man surrounded by 1,000 black guys?
Mr. Warden
Hynkel 01-19-2009, 12:41 AM When I was at the bike rally, this woman told a joke and it went something like this.
A black boy is playing in the kitchen and he covers himself in flour. He goes up to his mother and says "Mummy, look at me ! I'm not a little black boy anymore I'm a little white boy!"
WHACK ! His mum slaps him around the head, "Go and tell your Father what you just said !"
So the little black boy, complete with sore cheek walks into the living room and says to his Father "Daddy look at me ! I'm not a little black boy any more I'm a little white boy!"
WHACK ! His father kicks him in the balls, "Go and tell your Gran what you just said !"
So the little black boy hobbles into the garden and says to his Gran "Granny look at me ! I'm not a little black boy any more I'm a little white boy!"
WHACK ! His gran punches him in the nose and asks him what he has to say for himself.
Standing there with blood pouring down his face, clutching his balls he says "I've only been a white boy for 5 minutes and already I hate n*ggers!"
I want to fuck you so bad I wish you still posted
Anyway, Ralph Nader
That's my white person joke. Get it? It's like I'm sayin' Ralph Nader is a joke. It's political and stuff. So now I'm like one of those smart funny guys because I said something about a politician. Didn't have to make much sense. Just has to be about a politician and I am in there
neb121 01-28-2009, 08:58 PM i dont get alot of them. some are good. but some i didnt get.
Alpha 02-18-2009, 11:44 PM This country will always have racism. Who cares what other people say. Comedians should and often do rip on everyone. For Example:
What do you call two gay guys in a sleeping bag?
A Fruit Roll-up
What do you say when you see your T.V. floating away in the middle of the night?
Drop it, nigger!
How do you get Helen Heller to keep a secret?
Break her fingers
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it
Yo mama's so fat when she stepped on the road, I tried to swerve around her but ran outa gas.
Three cowboys — from Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Texas—are sitting around a fire. The Oklahoma cowboy gloats, “Just the other day, a bull gored six men in the corral, but I wrestled it to the ground with my hands.”
The Arkansan replies, “Oh, yeah? Yesterday a 15-foot rattler came at me, so I grabbed it, bit its head off, and spit the poison into a spittoon 15 yards away.”
The Texan stays quiet, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.
A Mexican and a Black are in a car. Who is driving?
The cop
Women are like parking spaces... normally all the good ones are taken. So, occasionally, when no one's looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one.
What's the difference between a truck of bowling balls and a truck of dead mexicans.
You can't stick a pitchfork in a bowling ball
What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead black guy on the road.
Swerve marks in front of the dog
See they are all jokes. Who gives a crap about what they are rippin on. They are supposed to be funny.
By the way, I like this one...
what do people and jelly beans have in common
nobody likes the black ones
someone 02-19-2009, 01:13 AM What do you call a white man i the middle of the parking lot?
an idiot cuz he has no car
fansite 06-12-2009, 05:37 AM ha ha nice!
chelsy 06-12-2009, 10:33 PM What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!
hee.. that was funny
add!! 07-08-2009, 08:04 PM What does a white man do at the club?
Pout while all the colored folk are bumpin' & grindin' with all of his white bitches.
How do you stop five white guys from raping a white woman?
Throw them a golf ball.
A cracker girl came up to her dad who was sitting in a beaten up armchair. "Pa, kin ah borrow the truck to-nahgt?" she asked. Her dad looked up to her and said, "Darlin', yew know what yew haf t'do if'n yew wants to borrer th' truck." "But Pa! Ah haf t'go naow!" the cracker girl cried. Her daddy stood up and unzipped his pants. "Yew know perfectly well what yew haf t'do. On yer knees, *****!" The cracker wench complied and started sucking her dad's ****. After a few seconds she stopped in disgust and looked up to her dad. "Gee Pa, yore **** shore tastes like shit!" Her dad slapped his forhead and said, "Dammit, Ah forgot! Ah already loaned the truck to yer brother just a few minutes ago!"
chelsy 07-09-2009, 11:14 AM ^that was Not so nice =/
lol Im black and I find most of these jokes funny
Flawless 09-13-2009, 09:10 PM What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake
.
Whats the difference between a black person and a bucket of shit. The bucket
chelsy 09-14-2009, 06:49 PM ^gayass
Flawless 09-14-2009, 07:26 PM Haha shut up. Your the only person who can hook up with a girl and not be called gay just for the mistaken identidy that most people think your a man.
xueshen 09-15-2009, 06:57 AM shut up
chelsy 09-15-2009, 02:58 PM @Max- it was meant fr yr joke, not you. duh.
KrAyZy 09-17-2009, 06:22 PM play nice now little ones
lets all get along :)
chelsy 09-18-2009, 11:44 AM btw, any brown people jokes?? m one..
I got one a white guy goes into the doctors office and ask the doctor can you make me black and the doctor say ok we'll have to decrease ya brain by 30 percent increase ya melanin by 70 percent and increase your dick 3 inches the nthe man agrees to sign the release and starts the surgery later on after the surgery the man feel strange and doesnt feel like hes black then the doctor rushes in and say Im so sorry we increased your melanin 30 percent decreased ya brain 70 percent and cut three inches of your dick and he looked in the mirror and he was a mexican
sR_350 09-23-2009, 10:09 PM Yea those jikes were pretty lame but it w?e
chelsy 09-24-2009, 03:17 PM lol@Diatribe hahahaha
what do you call a bitch with one big tittie and one little tittie \/
\/\/\/
biggie smallls
chelsy 09-25-2009, 06:42 PM ^lol.. you made that up dint u haha.. any Indian jokes? by "brown" i meant m Indian lol
COLD WINTER!
The Blackfeet asked their Chief in autumn, if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing the answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.
Being a good leader, he then went to the nearest phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?" The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to be quite cold indeed."
So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man replied, "its going to be a very cold winter."
So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find
every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again and asks "Are you absolutely sure, that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely" the man replies, "the Blackfeet are collecting wood like crazy!"
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with
his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see
that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground.
He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says,
"about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white.
Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian
knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they
are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a
half hour ago."
chelsy 09-28-2009, 01:28 PM ^lmfaoo
chelsy 09-28-2009, 01:31 PM Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
"You're running around with other women," she charged.
"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs!"
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did
some training on a Navajo Indian reservation.
One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and
came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo,
asked a question which his son translated.
"What are these guys in the big suits doing?"
A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip
to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could
send a message to the moon with the astronauts.
Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors,
the NASA folks found a tape recorder.
After the old man recorded his message, they asked the son
to translate it. He refused.
So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation where
the rest of the tribe listened and laughed but refused to
translate the elder's message to the moon.
Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government
translator. He reported that the moon message said, "Watch
out for these guys; they have come to steal your land."
chelsy 09-28-2009, 01:47 PM ^^ I dont get it
Eve came out of Adam's ribs innit
A deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. He goes down another thirty feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with him. He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, "How the hell can you stay down this deep without equipment?" The guy takes the chalkboard and writes, "You asshole, I'm drowning."
SmithyRaps 10-04-2009, 05:58 PM Racist ?
chelsy 10-05-2009, 03:40 PM ^everyone is racist to an extent man.. some are just too good at pretending..
Im a little racist but hey whos cares
SmithyRaps 10-05-2009, 06:23 PM ok cool lol i aint boverd
chelsy 10-05-2009, 07:57 PM m a racist. i dont like my own kind much. lol
m a racist. i dont like my own kind much. lol
what are you anyway
SmithyRaps 10-07-2009, 03:48 AM :p ..
chelsy 10-07-2009, 09:01 PM what are you anyway
m a green slimy small-headed punk frm Pluto
SmithyRaps 10-09-2009, 03:27 PM lol @ chelsy
chelsy 10-10-2009, 07:19 PM dont laugh at me. i hate it when people do that.
Donnie-Darkflow 10-11-2009, 04:39 PM do you hate it when white people do that?
chelsy 10-11-2009, 07:56 PM ^they didn't, till yet. at least not on my face, maybe behind my back, fookin backstabbers lol
A skinny little white boy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black rock-like guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little boy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch prick, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Ron."
Will it be funny - of course it will be The white boy faints and falls to the floor full of trash. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy asks.. "What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little boy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"
The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.
We also have some funny videos about it
I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch prick, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Ron
The small boy, "Turner Ron. Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn Around!!”
chelsy 10-12-2009, 10:01 PM ^lmfaooooooo awww..
chelsy 10-12-2009, 10:03 PM Jason walks into a restroom in an airport and goes up to a urinal. A man with no arms comes up to him and says "Hey, can you give me a hand?". Though he feels uncomfortable, he agrees to help. He unzips the man's pants, takes a deep breath, and reaches in and takes out his penis, which he is horrified to discover is all green and moldy. Imagining the bonus he will get come judgment day, he continues to hold the man's moldy unit as he urinates, gives it a shake, and zips it back up in his pants.
"Hey, thanks a lot man." The man says
"No problem. But there is one thing I have to know, what is wrong with your Johnson?"
Then the man pulls his arms out into his sleeves and says "I don't know, but I'm sure as hell ain't gonna touch it!"
chelsy 10-14-2009, 06:52 PM A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says, "You want to play 'Magic'?" She says, "What's that?" He says, "We go to my house and fuck, and then you disappear."
chelsy 10-18-2009, 08:14 PM A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night, her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity. They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom, and when the guy walks in the door he notices all these fluffy toys. There's hundreds of them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and window sill, there's more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over the bed. Later, after they've had sex, he turns to her and asks,
''So, how was I?''
She says, ''Well, you can take anything from the bottom shelf.''
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
chelsy 10-20-2009, 04:10 PM ^lmaoooo
chelsy 10-20-2009, 04:10 PM I dont get it
She was rating him. He was only as good as to get the bottom shelf prize lol..
chelsy 10-20-2009, 05:45 PM A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made. "Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?" "There is three colours", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze." "What colour are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily. "Gold of course", says the man proudly. The wife responds really, "Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!".
A 46yr old man gets a facelift for his birthday.when he left he went to the newspaper stand an asked how old do i look. he replied 26 , the man said thanks but im 46. he then went to a butcher's shop asked the same question, the butcher said 29 the old man said thanks but im 46, he then went and asked a old women how old do i look, she said im 88yrs old and have a bad eyesight but i can tell how old someone is by putting my hand down their trousers for 15 minutes. the man accepted and let her have a feel . 15 minutes later she took her hand out and said your 46 , the man said thats amazing ho did you know, she replied i was behind you in the butcher's shop
Poor guy A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
chelsy 10-21-2009, 09:20 PM ^old very.
chelsy 10-21-2009, 09:21 PM A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while."
Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom.
"Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same woman who smacked our asses just for sucking our thumbs."
A man and his wife are driving down the road when a cop pulls them over. The cop says to the man, "Do you know that you were speeding?" The man replies, "No sir, I didn't know I was speeding." The mans wife then yells, "Yes you did, you knew you were speeding I've been telling you to slow down for miles." "SHUT UP!" the man says to his wife, "Shut the hell up, just sit back and be quite." Then the cop says, "well, since I've got you pulled over did you know that the tag on your license plate is expired?" "No Sir" the man replies, "I did not know that" "WHATEVER!" His wife yells, "I've been telling you to go get it up to date for 2 whole months now!" "Shut up" the man yells to his wife again! "Sit back and shut up, mind your own business!" Curios, the cop walks over to the woman's side of the car and asks her, "Does he always talk to you this way?" "No" she replies, " Only when he's drinking!"
Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boys II Men?
A. He thought it was a home delivery service
chelsy 10-24-2009, 12:02 PM A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent. The doctor says, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean." She says, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!"
lmao I dont get it again damn
eNKey 10-24-2009, 06:08 PM Hahaha, funny
chelsy 10-25-2009, 09:21 PM lmao I dont get it again damn
lol how old r u actually? teehee
chelsy 10-25-2009, 09:22 PM A 92 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. At his follow up visit the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful'." The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful."
chelsy 10-31-2009, 11:05 AM A young girl gets married and a few days later her mother goes to visit. When she knocks on the door, she is shocked to see her daughter open it naked. "What are you doing?" she asks. "Mom, it's my LOVE dress!! Don't you like it?" I'll come back in a few weeks when the honeymoon is over" replies the mom.
When she goes back, she is shocked when once again her daughter is naked. "Now what are you doing?" "Mom, it's my LOVE dress. It keeps the marriage spicy!"
Later that night the mom decides to try it for herself. When her husband comes home, he gives the same reaction: "Honey, what are you doing?" she give him the same answer her daughter gave her, "It's my LOVE dress! What do you think of it?" Her husband thinks long and hard and says, "I think you should have ironed it!"
hahahah lmao that fucked up
two guy get caught selling drugs and the judge tell them instead of going to jail convince people to not do drugs they agree then they come back in a week the first guy goes and the judge ask his how many people he convinced to stop doing drug he said 8 the judge was pleased and asked him how he told the judge said this is your brain before drug O and this is ya brain after drugs o the judge lets him go and then next guy come and the judge ask him the same question the guy says I convinced 400 people to stop
then the judge say amazed wow how did you do that the guy says I showed them the same two circles except I said this is a your asshole before jail o and this is ya asshole after jail O
chelsy 11-01-2009, 08:42 PM ^lol..
chelsy 11-01-2009, 08:43 PM here's a few silly ones men are gonna like..
Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
Q: What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
A: 1.No mind.a: 2.No business.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" and I said, "Dust!"
Q: Why do women like intelligent men?
A: Opposites attract.
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer (also a blonde). The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it, and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
chelsy 11-07-2009, 01:05 PM ^hehe
lethal poet 11-07-2009, 06:27 PM What Do You Say, When You See A Shadow In The Dark?
.....nothing, You Just Let The Black Man Go!!!!!!!!!!
A small Mexican boy went into the kitchen where his mom was baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. He says: "Mamita, look at me - I'm a white boy!"
His mom slaps him in the face and says:
"Dios mio, you must be joking, go show that to your father!"
He goes to his dad who was in the living room and says: "Look, I'm a white boy."
His dad slaps him hard in the face and says: "Go show that to your grandma."
The boy goes into his grandma's room and says: "Mira, Abuelita, yo soy a white boy."
His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother.
His mother says: "See, did you learn anything from that?"
To which the boy replies:
"Sure did! I have only been white for five minutes and I already hate you Mexicans! I feel so fine! "
chelsy 11-15-2009, 08:05 PM You might be a Taliban if:
You are amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
A little girl wrote to Sarah Palin asking, "How did the human race start?". Sarah Palin answered, "God made Adam and Eve, they had children and all mankind was made."
THe next day the little girl wrote to michelle obama and asked the same question. Michelle obama answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys in africa from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl went to her father and asked, "How come Sarah Palin told me that mankind was created by God, and michelle obama told me mankind evolved from monkeys?"
Her father answeres, "Well, it's very simple . . . Sarah Palin told you about her ancestors, and michelle obama told you about hers!"
How do you know jews are living nextdoor?
There's wet toilet paper on the clothesline -Riley rice
What's the difference between jews and boyscouts?
Boyscouts come back from their camps! -Steve
What's the difference between a jew and a vampire?
One is a blood sucking vampire, and the other has wings. -mike
What's Hitlers least favorite planet?
'Jewpiter' -Ben
Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?
The pizza doesnt scream when you put it in an oven!
Whats the difference between a Jew and a Canoe?
A canoe tips
How do you get 100 jews into a car?
Throw a quarter in it.
How do you get them out again?
Tell them Hilter is driving.
How many jews can you fit in a VW Beetle?
54, two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray.
How do you know you have a queer Jew?
He likes money more than girls.
Have you heard about the Jewish sports car?
It stops on a dime, then picks it up
What is a Jews biggest dilemma?
Free pork
Whey do Jews have such big noses?
Cuz all the airs free.
Whats the object of Jewish football?
To get the quarter back.
How was copper wire invented?
2 Jews fighting over the same penny
What language does Jewish homo speak?
Heblew
What did the little German boy get for his birthday?
Easy bake oven and a G.I Jew
Hows Christmas celebrated in Jewish homes?
They put parking meters on the roof.
Why did the Jews walk around the desert for 40 years?
They heard that someone dropped a quarter
What do you call a room full of jewish women with yeast infections?
A whine and cheese party.
Whats Jewish doggy style?
You beg for half an hour and the princess rolls over and plays dead.
What happens when a Jew with an errection walks into a wall?
He breaks his nose. - Mandy
What's faster than a speeding bullet?
A jew with a coupon. - John
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