When I tried to touch the stars, I barley felt the ozone
I felt my hand go numb, then I heard a slow drone
in my equilibrium, like a hive was in my brain stem
rhymes I know you feelin um, I’m stuck inside your system
A pen made servant, to things thats made of melody
mouth is always movin, but can’t tell just what you tellin me
words that sting just like a spelling bee, my style a class 3 felony
My mask is just a jail to me, I wish that you weren’t lettin me
piss all on your pride, an effort that quickly died
I see you want to try, but knot because you got tounge tied

We all need to peep more!!..no replies??..that's rediculous! something that needs to be stopped on this board..

I really liked it..short, sweet and to the point.

"A pen made servant, to things thats made of melody
mouth is always movin, but can’t tell just what you tellin me"

^^Loved that line right there!..Tyke..you should post your shit more often. keep up the good work dawg.

tight lyrics and good flow, try making the rhymes more complicating. everything is looking good.

keep it up, later

Not much to say damn short but tight...

Yo, danke fo real, yeah I been slackin and not writing enough, I've been concentrating on beats, but I'ma get back to the coloringbook soon..

nice drop, hopin it was a little longer but it's good to leave the reader wanting something more
'words that sting just like a spelling bee'
I see where your tryin to go with this, it's a wonderful idea but i felt you could have executed it better, thats really my only complaint everything else is good

Where am I going with it? I mean there is a central concept, but no solid directio, just curious of what you mean. This is really the start of somthing longer, plus when you write too much no one replys.. But I'm think ten lines, hook, ten, hook, ten, hook, ten, hook.. I dunno..

nooo i didn't mean your whole verse, just the line i quoted


"words that sting just like a spelling bee"

^^that is a dope concept i just feel it could have been worded better, get me?

now go vote on my battle!

please :D

http://www.eminemweb.com/board/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2134